It Was Bound to Happen

Last night I was sitting at the kitchen table when Serenity looked out the window and announced that all the jerks were out.  I looked at her quizzically and said, “Who?”  She said Andy, Sean‘s son, was out there.  That is strange because Andy is so rarely here and I don’t remember him ever being here on a school night.  Then she told me that Sean was out there too.  Oh, yippee.  (Hear the sarcasm?)  I glanced out the window just to see how I’d feel about seeing him.  Meh.  No big feelings one way or another.

When Treun called, I went out to talk to him on the porch since Shane was sleeping already.  I didn’t want to risk waking him.  I’d watched Sean walk into the house, so I didn’t have a problem being out there.  Then I thought about it and I didn’t have a problem being out there at all.  I’m pretty sure that everyone in the neighborhood knows I pace my porch when I talk on the phone.  It is simply what I do.  I wasn’t about to break my routine because Sean happened to be back for a bit.

As I was talking to Treun and walking away from the street, I heard Sean pull over in front of my house.  He hollered a hello just as I turned to walk back toward the street.  He noticed that I didn’t notice him and then said, “Serenity, I’m directing that hello to you since your mom is pretending like she can’t see me!”  I gave him a very smirky smile and a parade wave and said, “I’m on the phone.”  with an unspoken, “Duh!” in there.  He pulled away from the curb and down the road like a bat out of hell.

Oh, he was lucky I was on the phone because I really wanted to shout, “You’re the one who left me, asshole!”  I was able to tamp it down until I got off the phone.  I sent Endellion a message and told her I needed to talk.  I’m so very angry at Sean right now.  How dare he give me that passive-aggressive shit.  He’s getting married!  He went out less than two weeks after he left my bed for the last time and found someone to marry!  He has abolutely NO right to say anything to or about me.

Endellion was just as mad at him as I was.  I told her that the way he pulled out like the demons of hell were on his heels shows the depth of feeling he still has for me.  I thought he’d go home and fuck her while thinking of me, wishing it was me.  Endellion agreed with me.  I also told her that it gave me no comfort.  He would be there, wishing she was half the woman she is so that she could be twice the woman she is.  I don’t know her, so I can’t say what type of woman she is, but I could almost guarantee that she’s got nothing on me.  Sean told me repeatedly that he’d never met another woman like me.  He said it with awe in his voice.  I know I wa special to him, I know he was totally enthralled with me.  Knowing that, I know that he’ll never find anyone to replace me.

I do know that Sean wouldn’t have stopped and said what he did then pull out like he did if he still didn’t harbor very big feelings for me.  Really, I pity both him and her.  Unless he figures out how to exorcise me, I’ll be the ghost that comes between them for the rest of their lives.  She’ll either sense something is off and never be able to put her finger on it or she’ll find out (if he didn’t tell her about me) and then she’ll know.  Either way, I’m haunting Sean as much as he haunted me.

I knew Sean would be back.  I knew he’d be back to visit his family.  It was inevitable that we’d have interactions again.  The difference between us is that I’ve moved on.

I sure hope he can someday.

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