Category Archives: In the Middle – My Story

Processing Headaches

I sometimes get headaches when I process things; the same kind I used to get all the time while Bubba and I were still together.  I’m also dreaming again although mostly, I don’t remember them.  I know I’m dreaming though because I’ll wake up with a vague, uneasy feelings and my covers are all over …

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The Divorce and Exams

I had two major tests to take during the same week I got divorced.  That was quite a week! I’m still so thankful that I had understanding professors who allowed me to arrange my schedule to accommodate my scheduled court time.  I’d been allowed to postpone my A&P exam until the end of the week. …

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Evolution of Anger

Right after Luke broke my boundary by having Sam text me, I wrote this about my anger: I had counseling yesterday. I had a lot to talk about, most of it centered around the horrific five days I just had. I’m… well, I don’t exactly know what I’m feeling now. It is a tangled mess …

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Comfort Eating

I wrote this a few days before court: GAH! I’m so ready for this to be over. And I don’t just mean court. I mean the whole thing. I’m ready to be healed now, thank you very much. I’m trying to figure out what I can eat so I stop losing weight (that is still …

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FREEDOM! Glorious Freedom!

Arcadia and I walked out of court that day to sunny skies.  It was a beautiful winter day, made even more beautiful by the fact that I walked out of that building without the chains that had bound me for nearly two decades.  I was free and I felt light.  It was the most amazing …

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Letters to Luke

Along with journaling, I started writing letters to Luke.  They were my way of talking to him.  I never had any intention of sending them or sharing them with him.  In these letters I said to him everything I knew I would never be able to say to him in real life.  I allowed myself …

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Dreams and Dreaming

I’ve always been a dreamer.  I used to wake up multiple times a night and remember having the craziest dreams.  Dreams, for me, have always been very vivid and rich.  They also have tended to repeat themselves. I used to dream at least weekly, if not more, about flying.  Either I could fly like Superman …

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In Which I Revisit Adolescence

With the contact with Luke ban still firmly in place, I had entirely too much time to think about him.  Sure, I was busy being a mom and a student, but I had plenty of time to lay in bed at night and wonder about Luke.  It came out in my journal entries: Here I …

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The Other Woman

The Guardian ad Litem (GAL) said in her report for our second court date that Bubba ultimately would like to reconcile with me but he understood that it was no longer an option.  He told her that I was a good person and mother but something had happened to change me – I wasn’t the …

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My Rebellion

When the ban on contact with Luke went into place, he asked if he could keep in contact with Arcadia to check on me periodically.  Since they are both adults, I couldn’t control what they decided to do.  Who was I to tell two grown people they weren’t allowed to text?  I knew Arcadia wouldn’t …

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