Monthly Archives: June, 2013

Carting Off the Dead

The cart driver finally showed up at my house last night, “Bring out your dead…..Bring out your dead.”  And I did.  I threw Steve on the pile of dead relationships the cart driver had in his possession.  It is over. Things have been going steadily downhill from the moment Steve and I had sex.  Endellion …

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Space

I need space right now.  I need to not be with anyone; not talk to anyone.  I need to be alone, solitary in confinement. I walk this road alone.  No matter how many friends I have, it comes down to there is only me.  Only me to be responsible for three children’s lives.  Only me …

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I Simply Don’t Know

Steve and I finally talked last night.  He apologized for how he handled things.  He was able to tell me that I hurt him.  I was able to tell him that he hurt me.  I apologized too.  We had a good talk but there was so much I didn’t say.  I’m not feeling secure in …

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The Death Knell?

I hear the ringing.  I know it is coming.  “Bring out your dead……bring out your dead.”  Ring, ring, ring.  It feels inevitable that the next stop will be at my house.  The call will come louder and louder, the bell closer and closer.  “Bring out your dead!”  I will carry the corpse of my newly …

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Feeling Resentful

I’ve had the children without a break for nine weeks now.  Nine weeks!  Seriously.  It is driving me around the bend.  I’m an Introvert.  I need time to be alone.  Specifically, I need time to be alone in my house.  I need to have time to not be responsible for everything and everyone and I’m …

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I Have a Past

  Steve told me this evening that he was upset about seeing a picture on my computer of a man in a bathtub.  I thought about it and couldn’t remember what he was talking about.  I know I never took a picture of a guy in a bathtub before.  He told me to go through …

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The Mood Persists

This is day two of The Funk.  I’ve been busy all day.  I slept in until about 6 am.  I laid in bed, thinking about Steve for about 30 minutes before I figured I’d be get up and get my chores for the day done. I got dressed, threw my hair up, and headed to …

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The Mood

I’m in a mood.  I don’t know why.  I don’t recognize the mood I’m in.  All I know is that I’m out of sorts.  I want to do nothing and everything.  I’m disgusted by my house.  It is impossible to keep clean.  There simply aren’t enough hours in the day. I’m moving slowly today.  I’m …

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Taking it To Another Level

Steve and I had a date.  I was heading to his house to play pool after work.  I think Thursday and Friday were the longest days of my life.  They seemed to each last a lifetime.  Steve texted Friday afternoon and said he was getting subs for dinner and asked what I wanted on mine.  …

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“He Only Wants You For Sex.”

That is what the voices of the Ghost of Abuses Past are whispering in my ear.  Its voices swirl through my head, wrapping and curling themselves among every thought, insinuating themselves into ever fiber of my being.  “He only wants you for sex.  He doesn’t see you as Hope, he only sees a willing body …

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