Monthly Archives: April, 2013

Choices

In the past I’ve told Luke that I’m still going, still trudging along, still putting one foot in front of the other simply because I don’t have any other choice. Luke responds and tells me that I always have a choice.  I can see where he’d think that but I highly disagree with him.  Sure, …

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Disliking Acceptance

I’ve acknowledged that I’m alone.  I’ve acknowledged that I have to work full-time at a job that I less than love.  I’ve acknowledged that my dreams for a career I love are on hold indefinitely.  I’ve acknowledged that there is no one else to “tag in” when I’m just done with the kids. I’ve accepted …

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By My Fingernails

I’m perched on the edge of the cliff Struggling to hold on Trying not to look down Not to stare into the maw of The Pit I know it is there Calling to me Singing a sweet refrain Of forgetfulness and peace “It’s too hard” “Come to me, rest a bit” “Who will miss you?” …

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Sick at Work

Yesterday was not a fun day.  I got to work and started with a report that I need to do every morning.  It is a relatively easy report and usually takes me about five minutes to get done.  It was a slow morning and about an hour after I got there, I’d only taken one …

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This Still Bothers Me

Serenity came running in the house last night and told me, “Sean’s girlfriend got here and when he opened the door, he practically swallowed her face.” It was like having a knife shoved into my heart.  I can’t believe how much it hurts to hear that and it bothers me that it does.  I told …

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The Hospital Incident

I remembered something the other day.  I had to have surgery quite a few years ago.  Shane was just a year old and still nursing frequently.  I knew that the surgery would require me to stay overnight at the hospital.  The doctor would not budge about that no matter how much I protested that I …

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Step-Parents

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the children some day having step-parents.  I’m finding that I don’t like that term.  I don’t know why, it just doesn’t sit well with me. I know that, no matter who I eventually marry (if that ever happens), he will take on the male role model role in …

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Being a Better Mom

Being with a person who repsects and loves you will make you a better mom because it makes you a better person all around.  Endellion saying she isn’t a good mom brought this one. Endellion keeps telling me that she isn’t a good mother.  She became a mother because she thought that was what she …

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Bad Kissers

“Selfish jerks make awful kissers and bad lovers because they are too selfish and self seeking about it. They are not giving or sharing affection…they are taking it-this equals very very bad kissing and absolutely awful technique.”  My friend, Merida, shared this with another friend as we were discussing the fact that our abusers were …

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In Which I Receive a Text

I haven’t talked to Sean since the night our friendship ended.  I said good-bye to him that night.  I told him we couldn’t be friends.  Then the girlfriend happened less than two weeks later.  Well, it’s been about three weeks since we talked last. Today, out of the blue, he texted to tell me to …

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