Monthly Archives: December, 2013

My Life Changes

As Peace and I were talking, my phone announced a text.  What could Treun want to tell me now, of all times, after I told him I needed a few days to process him not having deep feelings for me?  Peace had a point – maybe I should open the text and read it before …

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Decisions

What do I want? I want Treun in my world and I want to be in his.  Period.  There is no feeling of wanting to cut and run.  I can’t fathom my life without him.  I think of never seeing him again or talking to him or kissing him or walking into his house and …

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Time to Think

What do I want?  Certainly not the status quo as it has fallen in a spectacular way. Endellion and I decided that I basically have two choices.  1. I can continue this relationship, loving this man, knowing he can’t/won’t/doesn’t believe that he loves me, and wait to see what happens or 2. I can move …

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Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas! I’m taking the day off from my regular posting to talk about something very important.  I debated interrupting the flow of the story for this but I think it is important to put this out there. Abusers tend to escalate during the holidays.  I’ve actually never done any research on this phenomenon and …

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The Status Quo Falls

Nine days.  Nine.  That is how long the status quo lasted after I told Treun I loved him.  If it’s one thing I’ve learned through this journey I’ve been on it is that the status quo can NOT be maintained.  Change is inevitable.  Change ALWAYS happens, whether we like it or not. Treun seems truly …

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Sunday Bonus Post – An Epiphany

What is Duck Dynasty and why is it clogging my FB newsfeed?  For the past few days I’ve seen article after article and opinion after opinion pop up about this guy’s alleged racist and homophobic comments.  The only thing I know about the show and what was said are the few things I’ve gleaned from …

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Dear Sean

Dear Sean, Go the fuck away already and stay there!  I don’t want you in my world anymore.  Just leave me be and get out of my head.  Thank you so much. Hope Ok, I won’t actually send that but there it is.  I need him out of my world, out of my head.  I …

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I Thought I Was OK With This

Apparently, I’m not as ok with Treun not telling me he loves me as I thought I was.  This has been rattling around in my head since it happened.  Also, “Can you let yourself be loved?” has been repeating itself over and over.  He asked that on one of our first dates.  I chewed on …

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Scared Spitless

I have to have the stent removed in two weeks.  I knew it was coming up but I hadn’t gotten the appointment scheduled until yesterday.  It is real now, it is concrete.  It is going to happen. I’m going to go to the hospital and allow them to put me under, stick tubes down my …

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Body Image

So much has happened to my body in the past month and I’m struggling with things I thought I’d worked through. I have four scars across my belly from the gallbladder surgery and my abs are shot.  Since the doctor used staples the scars each look like four division signs strung together.  I’m not happy …

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