Monthly Archives: September, 2012

Meeting the Guardian Ad Litem

Since Bubba was leaving town right after our first court date, he got to meet with the Guardian Ad Litem (GAL) right away and  I met with her the following week. I was so nervous about the meeting that I spent days cleaning an already clean house.  This woman was coming into my home and …

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Fly Away From Here

Yesterday Serenity and I were in the car and a song came on that pulled me back in time. We used to live near an airport; this was when the children were really small. Even though I loved where we lived, I was completely miserable.  I was solo-parenting because Bubba was working about 80 hours …

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Anger

The week after our first appearance in family court, I wrote this: I figured out over the weekend that I can’t process the sexual side of the abuse until I am free to let the anger out.  I can’t afford to get mad at Bubba right now.  I have to be the reasonable one, the …

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We Enter the World of The Family Court

I’ve heard it said that before you make a decision, you must first count the cost.  I am here to tell you that entering family court is not a cost that can be easily counted.  You can’t possibly imagine how family court can be used as a weapon of abuse by an abuser or exactly …

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The Ultimate Betrayal

I mentioned in Losing My Family that my family’s emails were only the beginning of their betrayal.  At that point, I thought their refusal to support me in the divorce was the low point.  How very wrong I was.  It was about to get much, much worse.  I was about to experience the ultimate betrayal …

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Intimacy and What I Want…..Someday

A journal entry from shortly after The Day My World Fell Apart. And now I’m thinking that I’ll never know intimacy with a man for the rest of my life.  True intimacy is what I crave.  It goes beyond the act of sex.  It is something he never understood.  I haven’t made love in too …

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Mud-Slinging at it’s Finest

Bubba was very proficient at slinging mud.  He didn’t care who got hit or who got hurt.  He was on a mission.  He’d gotten busted by our children for having all kinds of internet porn on his computer, joining a dating website, and having naked pictures of one of his female Skype friends on his …

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Rape – Yes, It Happens in Marriages

About 2 weeks after I realized that Bubba had been raping me, I was able to start counseling at our local domestic violence agency.  My counselor was Liz, an intern.  I met her first at the support group meeting.  It was nice to meet her this way because it wasn’t one-on-one and I got to …

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Nail Polish

Arcadia and I just ran over to Wal-Mart.  She needed a few things and I needed groceries for the week. We were walking by the Health and Beauty section and I saw the new magnetic nail polish on an end cap.  I stopped to look at it and I explained how it worked to Arcadia …

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Divorce and Allegations

Two weeks after my family’s betrayal – less than a month after I realized Bubba had been raping me – I filed for divorce.  I’d tried to keep up the pretense of giving him a year to work through his issues so that I could try to squirrel away a bit of money but he …

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