I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the children some day having step-parents. I’m finding that I don’t like that term. I don’t know why, it just doesn’t sit well with me.
I know that, no matter who I eventually marry (if that ever happens), he will take on the male role model role in our home. I don’t want him as a replacement for Bubba. Even though Bubba is a crappy father who continues to abuse his children, he is still their father.
What I want from my new spouse, for my kids, is for them to have a mutually respectful relationship. I would like to see Future Husband take on a mentoring role with the boys. I would like to see him be a positive male influence who Serenity can learn to trust and turn to for advice and help. I would like my children to see my new marriage as the model of marriage to strive for. They certainly learned what not to do in a future marriage, so I’d love to be able to show them how to do it right.
I don’t want my children to look to Future Husband as a father, but as a trusted friend, someone they can trust with their problems, their hopes and dreams, and their lives. I want my children to be able to see that there really are men out there who can treat others with kindness and respect.
I think it is a tall order for Future Husband. For now, I’m not in a big hurry to find him because it is such a huge role to step into. It is going to take time to find the right man, the man who is up for the challenge. I’m realistic enough to understand that my little family is going to be enough to send most men running. I’ll wait for the right one to come along.
What I worry about even more is the string of women that I’m afraid Bubba is going to parade in front of the children. Before we were even divorced he had a new live-in girlfriend. He lied to the children about who she was and didn’t consider that his children are far from stupid. That drove them even further apart. Now that girlfriend is out of the picture and I’m wondering how long until a new one is introduced. I can’t see Bubba staying on his own for very long. I worry about Shane. He really liked Girlfriend #1. He was so sad when they broke up. How many more women is he going to have brought into his life and then have to say good-bye to?
I don’t want my children looking at any of Bubba’s girlfriends as a new mom for them. I am their mother. It bothers me to think of anyone thinking she can take my place. I also worry about what lies Bubba tells his girlfriend about me. If she thinks I’m Satan on earth, then she is really going to want to jump in and mother my children. At least I’m confident that the older two won’t put up with anyone trying to take my place. I must say, though, that I’m going to miss Girlfriend #1. She had her issues (mainly hiding in the bedroom while Bubba screamed and swore at Serenity the night that she ended up call 9-1-1 on him), but she was genuinely nice to my kids and they liked her.
I think a new term needs to be invented to replace “step-mom” and “step-dad.” I don’t know what that term should be, but there just has to be something better out there.
- Posted in: As Life Continues - My Story Now ♦ Bubba's Antics ♦ First Year Divorced ♦ Using Children
- Tagged: abuse, abuser, abusive dynamic, better, children, description, family, feelings, Future Husband, girlfriend, marriage, married, parenting, partnership, replace, step-father, step-mother, step-parent