Sean Got Married

I knew it was bound to happen eventually.  After all, Sean had sent me a text last spring about getting engaged.  I wished him happiness because really, what else was there to say.  Still, it brought up weird emotions in me to know he got married.

I got home from work Friday night and saw his truck at his mom’s house.  I didn’t think much of it until I got home from Treun’s house at 11 pm and it was still there.  Now that was a little odd.  My first thought was maybe him and the fiance had a fight and he was staying.  When I woke up Saturday morning and saw his truck still there, my nosiness got the better of me and I checked his FB page.  His fiance had posted something about today being the day that they would become man and wife.  AHA!  He spent the night at his mom’s house so he could be all traditional and not see his fiance before the wedding.  (Ok, my thoughts actually ran a little more cynical than that but I don’t want to delve into that.)

Serenity has never unfriended Sean on FB.  Later in the day she came running out with her computer and said, “Mom!  Sean got married!!!” Then she turned her computer around and showed me a picture of him and his bride.  I glanced quickly at it but I felt the quick stab at my heart.

Well, wasn’t that fun?  <heavy sarcasm>

What the fuck is my heart doing feeling all stabbed?  When I rationally look at it, Sean and I have NOT been friends longer than we were friends.  We met, were friends for 8 months, then he disappeared from my life.  That was well over a year ago with only a few interactions since then.

I tried to separate the feelings out and name them but I just don’t understand them.  The closest thing I can come up with is that it was a final good-bye.  It was the end of an era, so to speak.  Those days we had on the porch, talking all night and laughing with Hannah are gone.  That carefree existence will never be known again.  As much as Luke was instrumental in my healing, Sean had a special place in it too.

I don’t think I’ve ever given Sean his due for how much he helped me heal.  I had fun with Sean, especially in the beginning.  That summer with him and Hannah was such an amazing summer.  I can close my eyes and picture the three of us out on my porch, talking and laughing.  It makes me miss him to think of that time.  There is a dull ache that hits me when I think of that and think how it all went down and now we’ll probably never speak again.  Once I marry Treun and move out of my house, I’ll never even see him again.  He will be relegated to the back of my brain, where I can pull out the memories sometimes, dust them off, smile over them, and then tuck them back where they belong.  In the past.

Sean and I have both moved on.  I wish him nothing but the most wonderful happiness in the world.  I hope him and his new wife life and love and are happy together for the rest of their lives.

Good-bye Sean.  Godspeed.

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