Treun and I have a guideline we follow. We never actually said that this is the way it is, it just kind of happened this way and now we always follow it. Each time he wants me to watch a shoot-‘em-up action movie with him, he’ll watch a chick flick with me. It’s a great system for us. Most of the movies he wants to watch are movies I enjoy and I’m convinced he secretly enjoys the chick flicks.
Over the weekend we decided to watch a Sylvester Stallone movie. While we were standing at the Redbox and he picked that movie, I said, “And I get to pick the second movie.” He knew what that meant. Yes, I was going to pick something romantic and sappy. I chose The Vow. I’ve been wanting to see it and figured it was a safe movie. What about a woman suffering amnesia would bother me?
Ugh. I couldn’t have been more wrong about a movie in my life. (Spoiler alert!) A young wife is in a horrible car crash where she suffers amnesia. The past five years of her life, including all knowledge of her husband is wiped out. She hasn’t spoken to her family in years and they show up at the hospital to take her home. They are clearly taking advantage of the situation to get their daughter back. The man is so in love with his wife that he sets her free and she goes back to the former life she led, the only one she now remembers.
The strange part about this is that as she goes back to her old life, she starts becoming the woman she was meant to become. She starts making the same decisions that she did that led her to her husband in the first place. When she tells her father she is dropping out of law school and moving to the city, he says, “It’s happening again. What can I do so that I don’t lose you again?”
And that is where I lost it. Usually I don’t allow myself to cry in front of Treun. There has always been that part of me that holds back, that doesn’t let him in. Well, there was no stopping it, the tears just started coming and almost immediately I was sobbing. I was thinking, “How do I explain this to him?” Just then he tightened his arms around me and said, “I know. I know, sweetie.” He just held me while I cried.
I didn’t have to explain to him that I knew my parents would never ask me what they could do so they didn’t lose me again because they don’t recognize that they did anything wrong. If that was me and I started making the same decisions, my parents would once again choose Bubba because they couldn’t see that I was worth fighting for. They couldn’t see that my marriage was none of their business and they should’ve just supported me. They can’t see that me cutting them out of my life was their own doing. I was protecting myself from Bubba and since they aligned themselves with him, I felt I needed to protect myself from them.
I know it was only a movie but it was based on a real-life event. Somewhere out there are parents who realize their mistakes and want to not repeat them. Somewhere out there are parents who love their daughter so much that they let her lead her own life because they understood that holding her back meant they lost her and they didn’t want to lose her again. I will never have that. Yes, that is my choice because I will never feel safe enough to contact them again and I’ve accepted that but it still hurts.
Having Treun helps so much. He gets it. He understands.
And he loves me, strange past and all.
- Posted in: As Life Continues - My Story Now ♦ FOO (Family of Origin) ♦ Second Year Divorced
- Tagged: abuse, abuser, abusive dynamic, abusive marriage, amnesia, blame, boundaries, children, control, divorce, emotions, family, Family of Origin, fault, feelings, friends, lies, movie, realization, responsibility, Treun