Is He Up To Something?

Treun is getting ready to go on vacation again to see his folks on the other side of the world country.  He does it twice a year.  Last time he flew out by himself.  This time he is driving out with Noble.  It will be good for them to have father/son time.  With Noble in school a couple of hours away they don’t get to have enough time together so this will be so nice for both of them.  I just have to get through ten days without Treun.

Over the weekend, we went to Sears to have his oil changed and his tires rotated in preparation for his trip.  He wanted to buy me a gift but said that I needed to help pick it out because it is something that I should like.  He’s been dropping hints lately and my first thought was that he wanted to look at rings.  We dropped his car off and then he said, “Does Sears have a jewelry department?”  My first thought at that was, “Aw, hell no!  You are NOT buying my engagement ring at Sears!”  What came out of my mouth was, “I don’t know.”  We ended up going to Penney’s and as he walked me over to the jewelry counter, I figured it was at least a good place to start.  He led me over, looked down, and said, “Here! I want to get you a watch and since you’ll be wearing it, it should be something that you like.”

Never have I been happier to be facing away from someone.  My face fell.  A watch?  Really?  We’ve had this conversation before.  I don’t wear things on my wrist because it drives me nuts!  I have just enough sensory issues that watches and bracelets makes me want to rip my hair out.  I just can NOT wear anything on my wrists.  When he said that, I simply said, “Oh.”  I just stared at him. I tried to hide my disappointment.  He asked if I saw anything that I liked.  I told him that I don’t wear things on my wrists.  Then what he said next triggered an internal struggle that I did not know that I could over come.

“You just need to learn to get used to wearing it.”

Exactly something that Bubba would say and expect me to then do.  I could feel my insides screaming that this is not something that should come out of Treun’s mouth.  I came as close as I have since dating Treun to dissociating, right in the middle of Penney’s.

I could see myself in my head standing there screaming at him, “NO!!!!  I DON’T EVER HAVE TO LEARN TO GET USED TO ANYTHING!  YOU CAN’T MAKE ME!  I DON’T WEAR WATCHES AND I WILL NOT WEAR THEM, EVEN FOR YOU!”  While that part of me was screaming in my head, the saner part of me was saying, “Calm down.  This is Treun.  He would not want you to be upset by a gift he wants to give you.  That is NOT who Treun is.  He is trying to please you, not control you.”

I don’t know what, if anything, he saw on my face.  I don’t know if I’ve mastered concealing anything on my face.  I highly doubt I have but I was really struggling to keep control of myself, to not let loose the raging, caged woman.

I finally turned to him and said, “Treun.  I so appreciate the thought but it would be a waste of money to buy me a watch.  It would sit on my night stand and not get worn because I truly cannot wear anything on my wrists.”  I could tell by the look on his face that he was sad that I didn’t like what he’d thought up but that he would respect my wishes.

When we left the store to walk around the mall, I told Treun I needed to visit the ladies’ room.  I texted Endellion and told her.  She laughed!  She said that he’s up to something.  She thinks he’s trying to throw me off the scent by claiming to want to buy me something that we’ve already talked about me not liking.

I’m doubtful.

I wanted it to be a ring so badly.  I want to marry this man!  When it was a watch, I can’t tell you the amount of disappointment I felt.  I can’t get my hopes up again.  If it happens, it happens when it happens.  I can’t look forward to it again only to be crushed again.  Endellion insists that it will come sooner than I think.  I am just as insistent that it will not happen any time soon.

He might be up to something, but for now, I will keep dreaming in my head and try not to look forward to it.

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