Improvements and Stepping In
I think we might have found a combination of meds that are finally helping Shane! He is on two different meds now. He takes one of them once a day when he wakes up and he takes the other one twice a day, one late morning and the other mid afternoon. This combination seems to be giving him enough control over the ADHD to actually work with his therapist and he seems to be better able to handle his anger. It’s been a few weeks since his last big blow-ups that resulted in calling the police twice in less than two weeks. He still gets angry but it seems that he is finally gaining some control over it instead of the anger controlling him.
Treun and I took the boys to dinner tonight while Serenity was napping (she wasn’t feeling well). We went to a Vietnamese restaurant that serves a delicious noodle soup. We each got a bowl but Shane was less than impressed with his. While the three of us enjoyed our soup, Shane complained that his was gross. He demanded that I make macaroni and cheese for him when we got home. I told him that I wouldn’t be cooking anything and that he could eat either a peanut butter and jelly sandwich or have left-overs. He continued to be very vocal about how gross he thought he dinner was.
Treun very gently told Shane that he was being rude. Shane asked how he was being rude and Treun explained it to him without shaming him or making him feel bad. He simply educated Shane about why his behavior was not acceptable. Treun has been stepping in more and more to teach Shane and lead him.
The thing is that Treun and I have been taking Shane lots of places lately. Treun wants to include all the kids but the older two just don’t want to do things with us. Whether this is because they are teens and just naturally avoiding the parental figures or because they are trying to avoid liking Treun, I don’t know. We invite them along and they decline, so it ends up being Treun, Shane, and me. This past weekend, we went to my company’s open house, then went down to drive around where Treun works and do a little shopping, and ate dinner at Treun’s house. While we were out driving around, we stopped at a stable and got information for horse-back riding. We’re going to go next month. Serenity is deathly afraid of horses, so she won’t be coming along, but Liam will probably go with us. I just know that Shane is so excited about it.
Treun was very slow to get involved with the kids. He didn’t want to step in where he had no right to be. That was a perfect way to begin his relationship with them. Now that we are quite heavily involved, he is taking more initiative with the the kids. He simply talks to the older two, imparting his wisdom where it is appropriate. With Shane, I see him taking on a mentoring role. He doesn’t seem to be eager to jump into playing “Dad” which is fine with me right now. It is enough that he is showing all the kids what it means to be a man – a good man.
Shane is improving. I think it is a combination of the meds and having a stable, kind male role model in our lives. Honestly, I don’t care which it is, I’m just happy that he is improving and doing better. I’m also happy that Treun is stepping in to the kids’ lives in the way he is. He is stepping lightly and gently. He is earning their trust as he’s been earning their respect.
I have high hopes of a good relationship continuing to develop between them.