Treun and I went out with Neil and June last night. They are fun to hang out with even if it doesn’t happen often. Their life style is considerably different than ours. They are just getting ready to go out for the night when Treun and I are coming home to enjoy being alone or we’re both ready to call it a night and go to sleep. Neither of them have kids either so that plays into the different life style. Quite a few times they’ve called at the last minute and wanted us to go out but I can’t just pick up and go because of the kids.
Getting together last night for dinner worked out because they were going to a birthday party around 9 pm, so we met beforehand. We talk about all kinds of things and since it seems that Neil and June are going to be together for the long haul, we often talk of the future. Last night it was vacations and motorcycles.
No, Treun may not be thinking of marriage yet, but he is thinking of the future and that future includes me. We talk about where we want to go on vacation in the future. His dreams are to take an Alaskan cruise, visit New Zealand and Australia, and go to a resort in the Bahamas. My dreams include Fiji, Scotland, a cruise, and that same resort in the Bahamas. We’re dreaming together because his dreams appeal to me and mine appeal to him. I know that vacation planning with him will be give and take. It won’t be all about what one of us wants. We will dream and plan together.
Treun wants a motorcycle. The first time he mentioned it I flashed back to all the times that Bubba talked about wanting a motorcycle and how he’d re-write history to say that I told him that he could get one years before I said it would be wise. I’d always told him that I wanted him to wait till the kids were all grown because I know how dangerous it is for motorcyclists out there. I didn’t want to be a widow left to raise three kids on my own because somebody wasn’t paying attention and hit him. He heard that he could get one when Serenity was grown. No matter how many times I clarified what I’d said, he stuck to what he’d “heard.” We had many fights about it, which seems so stupid to me now since it was something that was so far in the future. Bubba went out and bought a motorcycle a few short months after our divorce was final.
I was pleasantly surprised to hear Treun talk about his dreams of owning a motorcycle and how down to earth he is about it. He wants one but he understands that he has other responsibilities and getting a motorcycle in the next 5-10 years just isn’t going to happen. He includes me in his dream and talks about the different kinds of motorcycles and what would be more comfortable for me. This isn’t just about him. Yes, he wants a motorcycle (and has for quite some time) but now that I’m in his life, he wants to share this dream with me.
He includes me. When he makes plans, he takes time to think about me, ask me what I’d like, and then take that into consideration. I am included. I am an important part of his life. We are making plans together.
It is a great feeling!