Another Procedure

I’m having the stent taken out today.

I’m terrified.

I started having shooting pains in my abdomen four days ago. I also started having severe mid-back pain.  It was so bad that I took one of my pain pills before bed.  I haven’t used those in weeks as I’ve been healing nicely and had no need for them.  Four days ago, there was a definite need.

I got to work the next morning and continued having both the abdominal and back pain.  Right after noon, I broke down and called my chiropractor to see if she could, by some slim chance, fit me during my lunch hour.  Thankfully, it was a slow day and she got me in as soon as I walked through the door.  She adjusted my entire spine and then fixed the rib that I had out of place.  She told me she could do some belly work to try to fix that pain too but that it wouldn’t be pleasant.  As I was in so much pain anyway, I let her work.

I left her office feeling fine once again.  I was still moving slowly as I was exhausted from being in pain, but the pain itself was gone.  It lasted all of two hours before the shooting pains started again.  I called my surgeon and he recommended calling the doctor who put the stent in.  I called that doctor and explained what was happening to his nurse.  She said she’d check with him and call me back.

She finally called back and told me that Dr. W. said it sounded like the stent wants to come out now but he wants me to make it through the three more days until my procedure to take it out was scheduled.  He said I could manage the pain with Tylenol, which is laughable since it does nothing for me.

I had no choice.  I had to find a way to live with the pain for three more days.  I found that keeping food in my stomach constantly helped a tiny bit.  I munched all day, making sure I never went more than two hours without eating something.

Now, today, I am not allowed to eat.  I had to stop eating at midnight.  Being hungry makes the pain spike even more.  I did some baking this morning to keep my mind occupied.  I decided to try a new recipe but I didn’t like how it was written so I took two recipes and created a new one.  I know I didn’t bake what I set out to bake, but it smells really good and  I CAN’T TASTE IT!!!!  I did NOT think that through at all.  Bake something new and not be able to taste test it?  Maybe I’m finally losing my mind.  ;)

I’m trying to keep the panic at bay.  I’m scared.  What if something goes wrong again?  What if I start leaking bile into my abdomen again?  What if that horrific pain comes back?  Honestly, I don’t think I can live through that pain again.  I almost didn’t live through it the first time.  I prayed for death for a week.  I can’t do it again.

Statistically, I’m going to be fine.  The stent removal is a simple procedure and they expect to release me within 2-3 hours.  Treun will be there to pick me up.  BUT, I know what can go wrong.  I lived it before.

I’m just so sick of living in fear.  This is one fear that will not be fought against.  It is there and the only thing that will conquer it is just getting to the hospital and having it done.  There is nothing I can do about it – the stent has to come out.  Right now I am keeping the panic at bay with sheer force of will.  I will NOT break down.  I am strong.  I know this.  I can do this.

At least that is what I’m trying to tell myself.  Inside I am quaking.  Outside I put my heels on and march to the hospital with my head held high.

(Ok, I’m not actually wearing heels, I’m wearing flip-flops but I like the visual of me wearing my heels so that is what you get.)

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