My Life Changes

As Peace and I were talking, my phone announced a text.  What could Treun want to tell me now, of all times, after I told him I needed a few days to process him not having deep feelings for me?  Peace had a point – maybe I should open the text and read it before I freaked out about him texting me.

He said that he was having love pains, strong ones that were bringing tears to his eyes.  He said he hadn’t felt it and he was so sorry that saying that they weren’t in him hurt me.  He was numb and didn’t know those feelings were in him.  He asked my forgiveness for hurting me.

The thing is that I hadn’t told him he hurt me.  I would be the world’s worst poker player though because I cannot hide my feelings.  No matter what I am feeling, it shows on my face.  He saw the hurt.  When I pulled back, he knew it was because I was hurt.

I told Peace what he said and she asked me what I was going to do.  I told her I had no idea!  What does one do in this situation?  My first thought was, “He knows what I want to hear and is saying it to get me back in my place.”  I told Peace that and then immediately told her, “But I know that isn’t who Treun is.  He is a good man and if he is saying this it is because he MEANS it.  He is not manipulative.  He is not an abuser.  He is not controlling.  If he is saying what I think he is saying, then he means it.”

I had to call Endellion.  I had to hear what she had to say about it.  I quickly said good-bye to Peace and told her I was going to call Endellion.  She thought that sounded like a good idea.  Peace and I are so much alike that we’d never figure out a solution to what to do about this text.  Endellion and Treun are so much alike that she would know how to respond so that Treun would hear my heart. I called Endellion and read her the text.  She immediately started crying and said, “You have to go to him.  NOW!  Drop what you are doing and go to him.  HE LOVES YOU!!!!!”  I asked how I could go to him now, after all this.  She asked me if I trusted her and of course I do.  She told me to go to him, so go to him I would.

It took that half hour conversation with Endellion before I responded and asked if he was home (it wasn’t at all easy for Endellion to convince me she was right about this).  Endellion told me that I had to go to him.  I didn’t want to.  I didn’t want to believe.  I didn’t want to hope.

Yet, I listened to Endellion and texted him to see if he was home.  He said he was all choked up, standing in the tree line away from the crowd at his son’s rugby game but would be home in about two hours.  I told him to let me know when he got home.  He had this massive realization 90 minutes away from home with another half hour of his son’s game left.  Why?  Why couldn’t he have been 10 minutes away where a movie ending would be waiting for us?  (Ok, I’m getting overly dramatic here but that is what it felt like at the time!)

He got home about 30 minutes earlier than he’d planned.  In the time I waited, I showered and pampered and picked out just the right outfit.  I was ready to go when he told me he was home.  There are about six stop lights between our houses.  I got every single red light.  Then right before his road, they were doing construction and had both lanes blocked for five minutes.  This trip to Treun’s house was the longest, most frustrating trip ever!  I just wanted to be there already and it felt like the universe was conspiring against me to keep us apart.

I finally got to his house to find him standing in the front yard, waiting for me.  I pulled in beside his car and he was there to greet me when I stepped out of my car.  He wrapped me in his strong arms and kissed me like he hadn’t seen me in years.  He kissed me like a drowning man gasps for air.  He kissed me like he was trying to touch my soul.

He told me he missed me.  I said, “In just over 24 hours?”  He said, “Yes!  It just hit me, how much love and affection I have for you.  I guess I really was numb and had it buried so deeply that I didn’t know it was there.  I just hit me like a Mac truck today.”

We snuggled on the couch, talked about so many things, and just enjoyed being together in this new-found love.  At one point, I realized that he hadn’t actually said, “I love you.”  I looked at him and said, “So if I say it to you, you won’t freak out now?”  He said, “No, I won’t freak out.”  I said, “I love you.”  He replied, “I love you too.”

My life has totally changed in the space of a heart beat.  This man, this amazing, caring, loving, steady man loves ME!!!!  It is like a dream to me.  Life with Treun is exactly opposite of what life with Bubba was like.  I feel loved.  I feel cared for.  I feel that my love is being returned to me in countless ways.  I don’t feel like I’m public enemy #1.  I’m happy.  I can be me.

Treun loves me.

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