A Good Way to Say “Good-Night”

Yesterday was a long day.  Treun’s son, Noble, moved from a furnished apartment to an unfurnished apartment in the city.  Treun wanted to take his bedroom furniture, an extra couch and recliner he had, some kitchen things, and various other pieces of furniture to him.  Instead of renting a truck that would’ve been ridiculously expensive, Treun borrowed a friend’s truck.  Treun and Noble loaded the friend’s truck, Treun’s truck, and Noble’s car with stuff and we were going to drive him to the city.  One of Noble’s friends was supposed to show up to drive Treun’s truck but he didn’t show up.  That left me to drive the truck loaded down with furniture and mattresses.

The drive is about three hours one way.  There was danger of rain the entire time.  The clouds loomed darkly overhead threatening to dump on us at any given moment.  All three of us drove that road with one eye on the sky, just waiting for fat raindrops to fall so that we could quickly pull over and throw tarps over the loads.  Shockingly, we made it to the city with only two little episodes of sprinkling, barely enough to use our windshield wipers for the two minutes that it lasted each time.  Strangely, even though I’m still not sure where my relationship is with God right now, I prayed the entire drive for God to keep the rain away.  I prayed for this young man who Treun so deeply loves.

When we arrived at Noble’s apartment, two of his friends showed up to help unload the furniture.  The four of them got it done within about 20 minutes.  I got the kitchen stuff out of Noble’s car and got it settled in the kitchen.  We sat in his newly furnished living room and enjoyed Noble’s exuberant happiness then decided to go eat dinner before Treun and I began the three hour drive home.

Dinner was delicious; we ate steaks!  Noble, in so many ways, is still such a big kid.  He towers over Treun so he makes me look extremely tiny.  I often wonder what people think when they see the three of us out together.  Do they think that I am Noble’s mom?  It makes me giggle because Noble reminds me of a gentle giant.  You look at him and imagine his mother must’ve been Amazonian in stature.  I’ve never met Treun’s ex-wife, so I don’t know anything about her other than she’s about four inches taller than me.  I just think the three of us must make an interesting sight.

After dinner, we dropped Noble back at his apartment and headed home.  When we said good-bye to Noble, he gave Treun a big hug and it simply melted my heart to see the affection between these two large men.  Noble then turned to me, thanked me for helping, and enveloped me in a hug.  I was overjoyed even as I was a bit taken aback by the hug as it just wasn’t expected. And now, 24 hours later, I’m wondering that I was completely ok with that hug.  I think it is because I do not view him as a regular man to be leery of.  I view him as Treun’s son, my possibly future step-son.  There is no threat there therefore body boundaries such as the ones I started out with when I began this dating journey don’t apply.  It’s interesting to ponder.

I followed Treun the entire way home and I had even more time to think than what I had on the way down as my mind wasn’t occupied with praying it didn’t rain (and it poured for the majority of our drive home).  I called Endellion and talked to her for a bit about what was tumbling through my head.  It was good to unload all the rattling thoughts and to just spend some time with her, talking about our lives.

When we finally made it back to town, Treun texted me and asked if I’d like a hot bath to relax.  We were stopped at a light so I texted back, “Yes, please.”  The only problem is that I like to boil myself in the tub and he doesn’t.  We figured out a good compromise.  We’d have the temperature where he was comfortable for awhile, then he’d get out and I could add hot water and boil myself for a bit.  It worked out divinely.

By the time we got home and relaxed in the tub, it was time to go to sleep.  We were both wiped out, having done so much work, and driving so long.  It was after 10:00 pm when we got home so it was nearing 11:00 pm by the time we were done in the bath.  I flopped onto the bed and Treun gave me a quick massage to lotion my body.  Then we had sex.  Only it wasn’t what I would normally consider sex.  There was no big finish….for either of us.  It was slow and relaxing and just felt so good.  When he rolled away from me, I said, “I think we are both just too tired to finish.”  He kissed my forehead and said, “It was a nice way to say, ‘Good night’.”  We connected, we touched each other on a deep level that I’ve never understood before.  I laid there and desperately fought the urge to bawl.  I think it was the sweetest thing I’ve ever experienced.

“It was a nice way to say good night.”  What?  Huh?  How does a man have sex with no orgasm?  Isn’t that the be-all, end-all of sex?  It is such the antithesis of what I learned at Bubba’s hands.  It simply boggles my mind.  How do I process this?  Each time I hear his words echoing in my head, I just feel confusion.  It’s almost like he was speaking a foreign language and I just can’t get the meaning of it.

Then again, I think that I have had sex with no orgasm and been fine with it.  I didn’t orgasm every time with Luke but it didn’t take away from my pleasure of the experience or leave me in agony because I didn’t get to finish.  So, if I can experience sex as being good and enjoyable and pleasurable like that, what would make it different for a man?  Treun obviously enjoyed that short interlude last night as much as I did.  Yet, I still have trouble reconciling him being ok with it.  I need to tell myself over and over that he isn’t Bubba.

Treun is a good man.  He is kind and caring.  He respects me.  He treats me like a person of worth.

And he sure as hell knows how to say, “Good night.”

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