Will He Be Their Dad?
I was talking to Endellion the other evening and I told her that I feel this need to ask Treun if he is ready to be my kids’ Dad. You see, my kids have a father but they don’t have a Dad. They have someone who is related to them biologically who is pretty much forced to “parent” them at court-ordered times. He chooses not to take all of his parenting time and he is too abusive to be a good father. He is most definitely not their Dad. He isn’t the man they run to when they have problems or need help or advice. They don’t turn to him to share their day. He is a father (unwilling though he is) but he is not a Dad.
I want to know if Treun is willing to be their Dad. Will he be there when they need a man’s advice? Will he be there to guide them and teach them? Will he be there to talk to them and spend time with them and be all the things a Dad is supposed to be?
I told Endellion that I wanted to talk to Treun about it and she felt strongly that this wasn’t the time to bring it up. My way of thinking is that I need to know this sooner rather than later because if he doesn’t want to be a Dad again then I need to break it off and move on. I will not settle for anything less than a man who wants to be a husband to me and a Dad to my kids.
I got my answer yesterday without even bringing up the question. Treun had the day off and I had to work. I texted him to see what he was doing for lunch and asked if he wanted to me meet. He said yes! He ended up picking me up from work and we went to a close by restaurant. As we were sitting there talking, I mentioned that I am struggling with what to do with Shane after school. It is only an hour between him getting home from school and me getting home from work, but it is hard for Serenity and Liam to handle him for that hour sometimes. I can’t afford to pay for after-school care so I’m going to have to figure out how to make that hour livable for all three kids.
Treun suggested that I may need to relax my stance on not letting the kids have screen time after school. Well, I don’t have cable t.v. or Netflix so this presents a problem. I told him I was going to look for an internet parental control program that I could use to allow Shane on my computer during that hour. My plan is to tell him that he has to come home and do his homework. IF he gets his homework done, I’ll have Serenity unlock my computer and he can have computer time each day. The amount of computer time depends entirely on him. If he takes 5 minutes to do his homework, he’ll have 55 minutes to play on the computer. If he takes 30 minutes to do his homework (ya know, let’s include fighting time in here), he’ll have 30 minutes to play on the computer. It would be entirely up to him. If he chose to not do his homework, he wouldn’t get any computer time.
Treun suggested getting a device like Neo that would allow us to stream t.v. through the internet. He said I could set up the rules the same way as with the computer. He was actually brain-storming ideas with me to help the kids. I could feel my jaw wanting to pop open. Any time I would try to have these conversations with Bubba, it would end up in a fight. He wanted to know why I wanted to restrict the kids, he actively fought against me trying to do what was best for the children. Now, here is this man, actively helping me. He said he’d go home and do some research and see what he could find.
Not only did he tell me he was going to do that, he actually did it. When we met up after work to spend the weekend together, he told me what he’d learned. He has a flat screen t.v. upstairs that he rarely uses. He said that I can put that in my living room so that we could get that device for t.v. in the living room. He used the word “we” as in a “we will do this together – take care of these kids together” way. He was problem solving with me. He was including himself in my family.
I didn’t need to bring up this conversation. I didn’t need to ask if he wants to be a Dad for my kids. He demonstrated yesterday that he does want to be a Dad to them. He is investing himself in them. He is participating.
Yet again, I am amazed by Treun. He truly is a good man. I stand in awe of how he found me, how we connected, how we are becoming a unit. He didn’t have to tell me anything about his intentions, he’s just living them.
That is quite swoon-worthy.