I remember the times that Luke and I talked about mind-blowing sex. Back then, I honestly had no clue what that was and truly believed that I’d never experience it. He told me he’d had it before and I remember being so jealous – of the fact that he’d had it and moreso, the fact that he’d had it without me. I’d hoped and prayed that I’d experience that with him.
Luke and I had good sex. I enjoyed everything we did together and it felt really good. The time with him altered everything I’d believed about sex. There was no power and control, only sharing and enjoying each other. In that regard, it was mind-blowing but not the mind-blowing that Luke had described.
Last night, Treun took Serenity and me to dinner. I teased Serenity that she really wanted to spend time with me but she said she was just in it for the food. I love that girl! She actually participated in the conversation and talked and laughed with us. I have the feeling that she is being drawn in to Treun’s kindness just as I am. I have hope that Serenity will find in him the father figure she’ll never have in Bubba. She needs a good, kind, strong male role model in her life. Treun is taking opportunities to include her but isn’t pushing. He is letting her chose to come along with us or not as she wishes. When she is with us, he talks to her and more, listens to her. It is very interesting to watch. I can see the conflict in Serenity; she wants to remain separate, detached, yet she is drawn to him too.
After dinner, we dropped Serenity off at home and headed to Treun’s house. When we got there, I headed in to his bathroom to brush my teeth. When I opened the door, I found Treun sitting on the bed, fully clothed. He said that he’d thought about getting naked but didn’t want to suprise me. I told him that him having clothes on surprised me because I’d fully expected to come out and find him naked. It feels so good to laugh with a man, knowing that he is sharing the joke instead of making me the joke.
As our clothes came flying off (and I mean flying as I found mine strewn about his room later), I told him that I wanted to ask him about something. Then I got all embarrassed and blushy and told him it is still hard for me to talk about these things but I wanted to discuss a certain give and take aspect. He knew immediately that I was talking about him going down on me. It is something we haven’t done yet. It is something that I was thinking about all day and am very eager to try now.
He said that he hadn’t mentioned it before because I’d told him that it was something that was always used against me and that I wasn’t sure about it. He was simply waiting for me to come to him about it. He explained this as we were joining then started going into detail about exactly what he plans to do to me now that I’ve told him what I want. I’m still surprised that Treun talking very vividly to me like that has the ability to push me over into an orgasm. The orgasm, when it hit so quickly, was shocking. I hadn’t expected it so quickly.
After, when I was laying there unable to get my muscles to function, I realized that all along Treun and I have been having mind-blowing sex. I hadn’t thought of it before, hadn’t brought the memory of those long past conversations to mind. Now here I am, experiencing mind-blowing sex for the first time in my life and I’m simply amazed that I went my entire life without this.
I realize that it is mind-blowing because it’s not just about the sex. Treun and I have a relationship, we enjoy being together, talking, laughing, watching t.v., eating ice cream, whatever it is we are doing we just enjoy being together. I’m in love with him. I believe he is in love with me, although neither of us has spoken the words yet. We have an amazing physical connection. When you add these things together, we aren’t just having sex to have sex. It is about connecting on a deeper level. It is about sharing each other and expressing how we feel. Our minds as well as our bodies are fully engaged. It is mind-blowing because it involves the entirety of who we are.
This realization has rocked my world.
As I laid there last night, unable to even open my eyes, Treun caressed me. He loves to touch me but never so much as after we have sex. He runs has hands over my body, gently stroking me, leading me further and further into rest. While he does this he talks. He tells me stories about him, his friends, his kids. I love hearing him talk. I love learning about him. Once my muscles start cooperating again, I’ll join in the conversation. For me, right now, foreplay isn’t that important. It feels like we are constantly on foreplay because we like to kiss and touch so much. It is the afterplay that means so much to me. This time spent just laying beside him is important to me.
I share myself with Treun as he shares himself. I’m finally having mind-blowing sex and I crave it now. I am a sexual being. I’m passionate.
I feel healed.