Child Support Issues Again

Bubba hasn’t made a child support payment in six weeks.  He’s $7K behind in child support now.  I often wonder what he thinks about this debt he has to me.  Does he think it will just disappear once the kids turn 18?  I know he doesn’t feel like he should have to pay anything because it is my job to support the kids.  He once again threatened to take me back to court to reduce his child support and told me that I’m not allowed to use “his” money on my boyfriend.  He seems to think that I’m only allowed to spend that money on food and clothes for the kids.  I think he forgets that they have a home to live in and that home has bills such as rent and utilities.  I think he also forgets that he no longer can dictate what I do with my life.

He’ll be legally allowed to take me back to court on the second anniversary of our divorce which is still quite a few months away.  He keeps threatening to do it and honestly, I relish the chance to go back in there and right some wrongs – hopefully.  Actually, that is a bunch of bravado.  I’m terrified of going back to court.  I hate that I’ll have to spend money on a lawyer and that I’ll have to take precious time off work to fight this.  I hate that I’ll once again be put under a microscope and my parenting will be called into question.  I hate that once again, Bubba will try to manipulate everyone involved.

This time will be different.  I’m not the same scared, abuse victim I was when we went through the divorce.  He’ll meet an entirely different Hope than he saw in court last time.  This time, he’ll see the confident, assured survivor who has been taking care of three children, while working full-time, and healing from his shit.  He’ll see me walk in there with stacks of emails full of vile hatred from him and my continued non-engagement of his abuse.  The judge will see that I have proof that he is still abusing me rather than learning to co-parent our children.  At least I hope that is what the judge will see.

I’ll be requesting a new GAL (Guardian ad Litem) this time.  The children have a deep distrust of their previous GAL and I doubt any of them would talk to her.  Serenity will be 18 and an adult so I hope she will be given more consideration this time around.  Before she was just a surly teenager who butted heads with her father.  This time, she’ll be an adult.  I hope that brings some weight to what she has to say.

More so than anything, I hope the fact that Bubba has moved three times and had four jobs since the divorce while I’ve moved once and have had two promotions in that same time will speak for itself.  I hope that will speak for the fact that I’m the stable parent, giving our children the health and stability they need.  Also, I’m not the one seeking the court’s time.  If it was up to me, I’d avoid court again period.  I’d be perfectly happy to never see the inside of a court room again.

At this point, all I ask is that Bubba pay his child support as ordered and at least try to be civil so we can co-parent.  I’m actually not holding my breath about either point.  He’s shown over and over that while I’m trying to discuss our children, he is more interested in attacking me personally.  I want to be left alone to live my life in peace.  Sadly, with Bubba, that just can’t happen.  He won’t let it.

I really do pity him.

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8 Comments

  1. Ugh I have no words. Good luck to you and your family. It sounds like you are doing amazing 🙂

    • It simply amazes me that no matter how bad it has gotten since I left Bubba, I’m still better off financially than I ever was when I was married to him. Whatever he pays or doesn’t pay, I’ll manage. I haven’t done it alone. I’ve had wonderful friends come through with help over the past two years and I’m so grateful to them. For the most part, I’m frugal enough that I can make it on my own, even if Bubba would never pay another cent. It would be tight, but we’d have food and shelter and ours needs met.

  2. I’ll wish you the best. I know it’s hard. My mother had trouble getting child support from my father and he was even in the military. I would’ve thought that it would have been easier. It wasn’t. My father didn’t finish paying the child support he owed till after my sister was grown.

    • It is hard but I like to keep it in perspective. It’s still easier than living with Bubba. lol

  3. RoseMarie Cameron

    I am dealing with the same issue my abusive partner walked out after 20 long years. I was left with 7 years old twins who he rejected. I contacted the CSA I received 1 payment when he promptly denied paternity. It rocked me to the core! another display of his black heart. Another opportunity for him to stick the knife in! Roll on DNA test that I probably will have to take time off work to have done . But I not going to go away!!

    • I hate that they can disrupt our lives so much. I hate that our children, ultimately, are the ones to suffer. I’m glad you are not going to give up. These men need to take responsibilities for their children and repercussions when they choose not to.

      The DNA will prove what he already knows and then he will have to take responsibility, even if it is the state garnishing his wages. I’m sorry you have to go through all of that though. He did it to hurt you. Please don’t let him. This is his sickness. It has nothing to do with you other than a means to hurt you.

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