I’ve bought into the myth all these years. I woke up this morning to this great big light bulb going off over my head. It was a massive epiphany. I think my life has been forever altered by the realization that I’ve been lied to my entire life.
The lie did not come from one person in particular. The lie came from society and more likely it originated with some man who was looking for a way to get what he wanted from a woman who was telling him “no.”
The myth is that of “blue balls.” I grew up believing that if a man was aroused, then he had to be brought to orgasm or he would be in ever lasting pain, his balls would turn blue, and I would be the cause of his agony. It was a pervasive thought amongst everyone I knew in high school. We all believed it. I don’t know whether the boys in high school believed it too or if they were just going along with it because they saw the advantage to continuing this horrid lie. I guess I’ll never know. Hell, for all I know, this idea could be so deeply ingrained that they truly believed it and experienced the phenomenon simply because they believed it.
I spent the night with Treun again last night. We’d gone to the mall because I wanted to buy a new bra and Treun wanted new shoes. Treun and I ate dinner then did our shopping. We walked around for a bit and I thought it would be a good idea to head home.
I headed over to Treun’s house after he dropped me off at my house to get my car. When I got to Treun’s house, we had sex and decided to watch some t.v. for bit before going to sleep. I ended up falling asleep on the couch, all snuggled up with Treun. I’m not one to doze off while watching t.v. so it really surprised me that I missed the entire show we were watching. He woke me up long enough for us to head to bed.
When we woke up this morning, I began running my hands all over his chest and belly. Treun has to go out of town for a week and he’s leaving tomorrow morning. I want to soak up every memory of touching him that I can. He gently took my hand and led it down. I told him I’d wanted to do that but I didn’t want to be presumptuous. As we began having sex, we both realized that neither of us were actually awake enough to finish what we’d started. As I just laid on top of him, I told him that just being with him like that was enough because it wasn’t all about the orgasm. This is something I know Treun believes as we’ve not only discussed it before, but he’s also demonstrated by pleasing me without having an orgasm of his own before.
It wasn’t until I went to the bathroom after we’d pulled ourselves out of bed that this miraculous epiphany hit me. I had been aroused but I was fine without having had an orgasm. I know there have been plenty of times that I’ve been so aroused that it was painful but it was nothing like what I’d had described to me all those years.
So….What makes men so different that they would be in abject agony if the act wasn’t finished? Oh!!! That would be nothing! Nothing is different except the myth that has been perpetuated by society, by men in general.
I’m angry. It just seems that more and more I’m finding ways that men have found to manipulate women and to keep women under their control. This is no one man doing this and I think this is what makes me so angry. It is a society full of males who are taking this into the next generation, teaching their sons and daughters this myth. Keeping women under control, working to ensure that their desires are considered somehow more important and more dire than women’s. I’m angry that men care so much about their pleasure that an entire segment of our population is being fed a lie in order to have those desires met.
I know that not all men are like this, not all men buy into this. I’m angry at our society. Our society is a rape culture where men are slaves to their penises and if a man rapes a women or manipulates her into sex, it is actually her fault. I’m angry that men find new and better ways to avoid any responsibility for their own actions. I’m angry that our sons and daughters, generation after generation of them, are being taught the all-powerful penis bullshit that has so fucked up our society.
Treun and I had sex this morning. It was slow and easy. Neither of us orgasmed but for that time, we connected and enjoyed ourselves. We joined as one, we enjoyed each other’s bodies. It was a nice way to start the day. It was an emotional connection just enhanced by the physical. Neither of us are walking around in pain because there was no completion to the act.
Yes, I’m angry. Yes, I have something new to teach my children. Yes, I will continue fighting society’s views of men and women and sex. This is just another aspect that I will fight against. Just another insidious idea that is used against women that needs to be destroyed. I’m only one woman, but I will do my part to kill this idea. My children will not buy into this myth.
My children will learn healthy sex and how their bodies work.