Lazy! Lazy! Lazy!

That is the refrain that is playing in my head. It is noon on Sunday and here is what I’ve gotten done today:

  • Dyed my hair
  • Baked two loaves of bread
  • Have two more loaves rising
  • Two pie crusts made and in fridge
  • Clean dishes put away
  • Dirty dishes washed
  • Mixed up laundry detergent
  • Two loads of laundry going
  • Grocery list finished
  • I’m showered and ready to go

I have to do the grocery shopping yet.  I have another two loads of laundry to do.  I have various other chores that need done.  I look at that list and think that I should have so much done but I don’t have it done yet because I’m Lazy! Lazy! Lazy!

You see, I’ve also spent time online, checking facebook, writing, talking to a couple friends, and listening to music.  I’m working steadily but I’m taking breaks and just being.

Somewhere along the line I got the message that if I’m not putting every single minute to good use doing work of some sort, then I’m Lazy! Lazy! Lazy!  I know exactly where I picked this attitude up.  I got it from Celia.  I was so often accused of being lazy that it became deeply ingrained in me.  Also, Celia held herself to this personal standard and I heard her say of herself that she was being lazy if she sat down for a minute, even if it was to rest.  Where did she get this idea from?  That I don’t know.  It seemed to be deeply ingrained in her so much so that she passed it along to me.

Granted, when I was younger I never understood this or actually cared that I was being lazy.  I know I went through my life feeling like I was a terribly lazy person.  I went through my life feeling that no matter what I got done, it was somehow never enough.  I always felt like I wasn’t measuring up.  I just didn’t understand why.

Now I do.  Now I see that taking time to relax is important!  It isn’t being lazy to have a day that I take time for me to do just nothing.  If I want to sit and do nothing but surf the net, I am allowed to do that without all the self-recriminations.  I work hard!  I work a full-time job and take care of my kids when I’m not at work.  I clean, I cook, I parent.  I do all the things myself.  Yes, I’m entitled to have times that I do nothing.  And actually, I’m not doing “nothing.”  I’m preserving my mental health.  I’m preserving my physical health by not running myself ragged.  I’m preserving my over all well-being by taking care of me – by doing nothing.

Celia and her messages can go take a hike.  I know how hard I work.  I know that my accomplishments are important and not to be downplayed by counting all the things that I haven’t actually gotten done yet.  It is important to see the things I’ve done.  To count those, count the accomplishments, that is what matters.

I’m not lazy.  I get things done.  I just also take time to smell the roses!  Because roses are important!

p.s.  at the end of the day I can add to the list the following:

  • Baked two more loaves of bread (four total)
  • Washed/dried 4 loads of laundry
  • Grocery shopped
  • Baked a pie
  • Washed more dishes
  • Made spaghetti sauce for tomorrow’s dinner
  • Cleaned out the cat’s litter box and scrubbed the floor

I am NOT lazy!  Not by a long shot.

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