This Must Be What “Normal” Feels Like

Yesterday, Treun invited us over for dinner tonight.  I’d said I had steaks so I’d bring them and we could grill.  I also told him that I’d make baked beans.  The plans were all set.  I’d pick up the children after work, grab the food out of the fridge and head over to Treun’s house.

We got there and Liam and Treun immediately got to grilling. Treun had macaroni and cheese on the stove and Shane and I set the table.  It was a bit surreal; it felt like what I imagine a normal family would be like.  At one point, Liam was outside with Treun and Shane was talking to Treun’s friend, Alex.  *Alex is staying with Treun temporarily as he transitions out of his current job and prepares to move back home where his wife is already living.*  I was sprawled on the couch watching t.v.  I was pretty sure I’d actually died and gone to heaven.  My boys were talking to men who were paying attention to them and giving them their time.

Finally, dinner was ready and we all sat down to eat.  The boys were so mannerly and polite.  We all talked and had a good time.  At one point, Shane said something in typical Shane fashion and Treun and Alex both told him how he sounded and that he would risk losing friends when he spoke the way he did.  It was all I could do not to let my jaw hit the table.  They both took on a mentoring role.  Their words were not shaming or belittling, they were, in fact, teaching words.  They spoke to him gently and Treun was definitely speaking as a father would to his son.  I didn’t get the idea that he was trying to take on that role though.  It was more that he was trying to guide Shane as a responsible, older man would do for a boy who doesn’t have a man in his life.

I’m getting more comfortable with Treun, with touching him, being touched by him, and just talking to him.  He’s loosening up too.  He went out to check the steaks at one point and Liam stayed in the house (he was engrossed in the t.v. since we don’t have t.v. at home) so I saw my opportunity for a few moments alone with Treun.  He checked the steak and then we moved away from the windows for some stolen kisses.  He was, once again, marveling at my size.  I’m the smallest woman he’s ever been with, in fact, the smallest he’s ever been attracted to so he is simply fascinated by how tiny I am.  It makes me feel so feminine and makes me smile because he is looking at me in awe.  He put his hands on my hips and said something about my hips being so small and when I was on top of him the other night, he can’t imagine how we’re going to fit because he’s not a small man.  I grinned rather wickedly at him and told him I’m quite sure it will work out just fine.

I then got brave and asked him what his favorite position is.  He said he likes them all.  I said, “Oh, so you aren’t threatened by a woman being on top?”  He said that he really wasn’t and that there was nothing better than watching a woman on top of you and seeing her body shudder through an orgasm.  Alarm bells went off in my head.  I’m still concerned that orgasms are not going to happen.  I had a couple with Luke but he’s a different case.  He knew everything about my issues and I felt completely safe with him.  I bit the bullet and asked Treun if he’d be upset if I couldn’t orgasm.  He said there are ways to work on that, especially if you don’t have a problem with battery-operated assistance.  I’m pretty sure my chin hit the floor!  That is the last thing I expected from him.  I expected cocky arrogance and him telling me that he’d make sure I was satisfied.  Instead, he brings up toys!  I hugged him and said, “I *really* like you!”

I really want him.  It isn’t to the point where I’m worried I’ll give in to my body before I’m ready but it is to the point where I’m becoming uncomfortably aroused when we kiss.  I’m pretty sure I have the female equivalent of “blue balls.” I’m going to have to do some serious thinking about how quickly I want this to progress.  I know I need to avoid being alone with him yet that is what I want.  I have to get to the point where what I need and what I want are not fighting each other.

Do I have the strength to do what I need?

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