Everything Seems Fine
Treun invited me and the kids over to swim again. We took Serenity’s friend, Greta, with us and the four kids were playing in the pool while Treun and I snuggled on the bench and watched. He started the conversation about the Biggest Baddest. Had I let it, my jaw would’ve dropped onto the ground. This is NOT how things work in my world. Other people don’t bring up uncomfortable issues and discuss them. They just ignore them and pretend they don’t exist. But this man, this special man, brought it up and was willing to discuss it.
He said he’d talked to his Dad about it. He is very close to his Dad and looks to him for wise counsel. He said they discussed it and that he’d done some research on his own before he talked to his Dad. His Dad basically backed up everything that Treun had found out in doing his own research. He said that his Dad said that the Biggest Baddest, while difficult, shouldn’t be a deterrent to us having a relationship and that Treun agrees. It is just something we can work through together.
Over and over I am simply amazed by this man and his ability to project health. He understands and respects boundaries, he’s willing to talk through sticky topics, he communicates with me. We are becoming much more comfortable with each other.
I do still find myself holding back. There are things that go through my mind as we are snuggling that want to come out, but I can still feel the armor plating and force field in place. No, it isn’t so much physical now but emotionally, it is still in place. I’m still learning to trust him.
I’ve told him that I write. I haven’t told him what I write. The other day I told him I should’ve been doing housework but I was writing instead. He told me that I should compile all of my writings and turn them into a book. I told him that it wouldn’t be safe to do that until Shane turned 18 so until them, I’m just another anonymous blogger. He said that he understands. I let that piece of information out there. I blog. No more than that. He didn’t ask about it. I will let small snippets of information come out as our relationship progresses but I don’t know that I’ll ever tell him about this blog. This is something that is wholly mine. It is my safe place to process and work through the junk that clogs my mind.
Sure, I have friends who know me and know that I do this, but I trust them completely to keep my identity away from any association with my blog. I know that I won’t have a nasty break-up with them someday and then have to wait to see if they use their knowledge against me. I can’t see the future so I can’t say I’ll definitely never share it with Treun, but for now, I won’t.
I’ve already dropped enough bombs on the poor man. I told him I don’t have anymore surprises and I don’t. This blog isn’t something that would impact him or our relationship. It is mine. It isn’t something that I have to share with anyone in my life if I choose not to.
For now, everything seems fine. We get along, have so many things to talk about, both understand that we are sizing each other up for a potential mate, and are enjoying ourselves immensely!
For today, that is enough.