I’d shut down my dating site account after Steve and I’d had sex. I waited a week after breaking it off with him before reactivating. I took that time to really think whether or not I wanted to try this again. I came up with the idea that I had a month left on my subscription so I’d use that to have first dates only and just have a little fun. What could it hurt to spend a few hours (and get a free dinner) with a different man each weekend for the next month?
Bob emailed me and asked if I was a conversationalist. Since I’d been going out with Steve at the time, I looked at it funny, thought, “What the fuck does that mean?” then ignored it. After Steve was gone, I decided to take a chance since he took the time to email.
We emailed a few times, then started texting. He was witty and amused me. We decided to try for a phone call. One evening after the next, something came up that precluded us speaking on the phone. We finally connected on Thursday night and talked for two and a half hours. I hadn’t realized how late it was until he mentioned that it was after 11:00 pm! Holy I’m gonna be tired in the morning, Batman!
We made plans to have dinner Saturday night. I wasn’t enthused about it but figured, “What the hell? What else am I doing?” Bob works a crazy schedule and he lives about 45 minutes away. He was going to have to blow me away for me to want to pursue anything with him.
We had dinner and it was nice enough. Then we went to Starbucks and talked for another two hours. Through it all, I was a little jumpy. He made like he was going to touch my chin a couple of times and I pulled back each time he moved his finger toward me. He said he wasn’t going to touch me, he just really wanted to.
While he is fascinating to talk to, I was on edge. I talked to Endellion about it today and she said that is my still, small voice telling me he isn’t safe. I don’t need to know the reasons why, I just need to listen. I totally agreed with her. I decided not to text or anything until he did. Then I’d tell him I wasn’t interested.
I still struggle with feeling obligated to let these guys down easily or that I owe them something. I know I don’t owe them anything. We took a chance, went out to dinner, and it just wasn’t there. But I feel badly about it. Endellion said that if I don’t feel safe, I need to not beat around the bush. I just need to end it quickly and cleanly. I agree with that too.
He finally texted that he had a good time last night. I simply responded, “Thank you for dinner. I don’t feel we are compatible. Good luck in your search.”
That was the end. He didn’t respond. I’m fine with that. Bob was fun to talk to and overall it was a pleasant evening.
I’ve just learned to not ignore that still, small voice that screamed he wasn’t for me.