Meeting Cancelled

All of my friends were very against me meeting with Steve.  They were all nervous because they thought there was a big risk of him hurting me.  To me, their concern felt as if they thought I was stupid and not able to handle this.  I don’t think they understood the driving need I had to do this.

What I didn’t tell them right away was that I had formulated a plan that I knew was sure to have Steve revealing who he truly is and that the meeting wouldn’t actually take place.  Since Steve and I usually met at the side of the building, I emailed and told him I’d be parking directly in front of the store.  I knew, absolutely, that this would be intolerable to him.  He was showing signs of being an abuser and if we know anything about abusers, we know that *they* are the ones with the power and control.  Sending that email showed that I was the one in control and I knew it would not be ok with him.

An appropriate response would’ve been, “Ok, see you then.”  Instead the email I got back involved him saying that I didn’t seem like I trusted him and how could I not trust him, when the break-up was partly my fault too.  His entire email was full of blame-shifting, guilt and manipulation tactics, and in the end, just a plain old temper tantrum.  He declined to meet and told me that when I was ready to work this through together, I could let him know.  The subtext clearly said that when I was ready to do things his way only, I could go crawling back to him.

Apparently he didn’t get the memo that I’m no man’s fool now.

I got the closure I felt I needed.  He showed his true colors and they are full of power and control.  I don’t have time for that in my life.  I am at peace with this – with never seeing him again, with never responding to him again.

I’m not naive enough to think that this is over.  I have a feeling he will wait a week or two and try again.  I will be perfectly ok with just deleting the email or text or not answering the phone.  I’ve mourned for him.  I’m no longer emotionally invested.  He is a part of my past and will remain there.

I dodged a bullet and I’m glad it worked out the way it did.  This is just another experience to add to my collection of what makes me stronger.  I learned that the still, quiet voice in me needs to be listened to and respected. 

I’m learning to trust myself and my gut.

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