Super Surreal Saturday

Today will forever be known as “Super Surreal Saturday.”  Yeah, it’s just been that kind of day.  Seriously, you just can’t make this shit up.

About 10 pm Friday night I got a text from Steve.  He wanted to know how I could just throw him away.  It took me an hour to respond to tell him that I couldn’t go back to living in a “happy is the only acceptable emotion” way of thinking.  I told him that I lived it before and it almost killed my soul.  I told him I was deeply sorry that it didn’t work out.  He didn’t respond.  Well, at least not right away.

He texted just after 1am on Saturday morning and his attack was vicious.  He told me I was a lost cause and that he was nothing like the other pricks I’d been involved with.  He told me good luck with my sick life and told me to remove all of his contact info from everywhere I had it.  There was more but it is too nasty to share, I deleted it from my cell and am trying hard to not remember what the rest of his text was.

My Saturday did not start out well at all.  That text was just over the top and mean.  I didn’t think things could get worse until they did.

Bubba texted around midday.  I was sitting at the kitchen table, trying to write, feeling frustrated that the words would just not come when my cell signaled a text.  I glanced at it and realized that instead of a name popping up, it was a phone number.  Okay.  That tells me it’s someone not in my contacts.  I took a closer look and it was Bubba’s number.  Oh, you have GOT to be kidding me.  As I sat there, just looking at his number, I wondered what he could possibly be texting me about.  He’s never texted me.  That boundary has been respected.  We communicate via email only.  Until I broke my own boundary when I took Shane to the ER.  Now, I guess he thinks he can break it.  I took a breath and opened the text.

It was a very long text.  Very. Long.  He apologized if he made me feel like he’d mistreated me, told me he remembers our first date and what I wore, wishes he had a time machine to go back and treat me as his priority, appreciates everything I do, still loves me, and on and on.  He used my name once which had me totally boggled.  He has NEVER used my name unless he’s angry at me.  Then, a few sentences later he said that he said he loves “his wife.”  Yuck!  We’ve been divorced for over a year now and he still calls me his wife?  He went on to ask me to please not see this text as manipulative or anything, it is just the truth.  Then he sent another text apologizing for being unable to hold onto a job (he just got fired yet again last week) and that he is doing a horrible job of providing for me and the kids.

O. K.  Then.

I hear what sounds to be hysterical on-the-edge laughter and realize it is coming out of me.  First the nasty text from Steve at 1:00 in the morning, now this from Bubba.  Is this some kind of crazy conspiracy?  Are they banding together now?  Do I need to dig out my tin-foil hat?

Let’s dissect Bubba’s text.  First, the only way he has provided for us since the divorce has been by the state garnishing his wages.  In over a year, he’s never once willingly paid child support.  I’ve had to be on food stamps and the children on Medicaid because he has provided neither child support nor health insurance.  No, he hasn’t provided for us and he won’t.

Second, I am NOT his wife.  I haven’t been his wife in over a year.  His inability to recognize this shows what an abuser he is.  Even though I got away, he still considers me his possession.  Not cool.

Third, he said he was sorry if he made me feel like he’d mistreated me.  He did not, in fact, apologize for actually mistreating me.  This shows that not only does he believe that I just “feel” he mistreated me but also that he doesn’t believe he mistreated me in the first place.  There is still no repentance on his part.

Fourth, he obviously thinks I left because he did not treat me as a priority.  Yes, this was one of my big complaints.  Absolutely everything in his life was more important than I was, but him saying that I left him because of that is a serious case of Adventures in Missing the Point!  He didn’t treat me as a priority because I was a thing, a possession, not a real, live human being with thoughts and feelings.  I was simply his toy to be used at his whim.

Fifth, he still loves me?  Let’s just think about this.  How does one show love?  Oh yes, they try to destroy you in court, take your children away, turn your family against you, lie about you to everyone who will listen, have various affairs, start living with another woman while in the process of getting a divorce, and then make that person you profess to love so much  have to repeatedly ask for your cooperation in co-parenting your children.  If this is Bubba’s idea of love then No Thank You.

Lastly, he appreciates me from the bottom of his heart.  Really?  How so?  All I ever heard was what a horrible mother I was, how I failed at being a wife, and so many other things he would’ve changed about me.  Since the divorce he’s not shown me one way in which he appreciates or did appreciate me.  He’s continued to emotionally abuse me through his emails.  How is it you appreciate me, Bubba?  I’d really like to know.

I don’t think I’ve ever had a weirder day than Super Surreal Saturday.  It was just all kinds of crazy.  Just nuts.

I’m so glad it is over.

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