This started out as a great weekend! Steve and I had so much fun Friday night. I really enjoyed myself and I’m just amazed that I feel so comfortable with him. We wanted to get together again and decided to talk about it Saturday.
Saturday afternoon I was eating and I realized the corner of my mouth hurt. I looked at it and my first thought was, “Is this what a cold sore looks like? If it is, I’m gonna kill Sean!” I texted Arcadia and asked her if it could take two and a half months for a cold sore to show up if that’s what this was. She said it was possible but it was more likely yeast and described what yeast would look and feel like.
I ran to Wal-Mart and bought Abreva because I wasn’t going to take any chances. If it really was a cold sore, I was going to treat it immediately. It had started tingling by the time I got home so I was really scared that it actually was a cold sore.
I woke up this morning, had something to eat, and thought, “My mouth feels so gross, I better go brush my teeth.” Well, I brushed my teeth and it did nothing for the gross feeling in my mouth. I stuck my tongue out and it was completely white! Thrush!!!!! Ugh. I thought only babies got thrush but I guess I was wrong. I have quite a nasty case of it going on right now.
I had to call Endellion to show her how gross my tongue looks because hey, that’s what friends do. *giggle* I showed her and she said, “Oh, yeah! That is definitely thrush.” I asked her how to treat it naturally since I don’t have my insurance information yet. She said I could do an apple cider vinegar rinse. I screwed up my courage and threw some in my mouth and swished it around for 30 seconds. Serenity was in there with me and she asked, “Mom, are you gonna start crying?” I nodded my head because it was just that gross. That made her laugh and that made me laugh – which is dangerous with a huge mouthful of apple cider vinegar in your mouth.
When I spit it out my tongue felt like it was on fire!!! I neglected to ask Endellion if I could rinse with plain water afterward. Well, my tongue hurt so badly that I did anyway. My tongue continued to hurt for about an hour afterward. By evening, the insides of my lips were whiter than my tongue. I’ve added a massive dose of probiotics and rinsing my mouth with a drop of tea tree oil in a bit of water to my routine to knock this out.
Steve couldn’t get away all weekend. They had a huge family day on Saturday and since his son went to bed so late, he was clingy and whiny on Sunday. Steve just didn’t have the heart to leave him, which I completely understand. I would’ve felt the same way.
To top it all off, my vibrator is dead and even if it was working, I can’t masturbate anyway. I am never alone in my house and I just do not enjoy myself if the kids are awake. Serenity stays up later than I do and I still have a lot of paranoia about her hearing anything, knowing how bad her PTSD is in this area. It’s been two months since Bubba has taken the kids for visitation so I have some serious sexual frustration going on right now.
I also have a feeling Bubba isn’t planning to take the kids until summer. A school break is coming up and Bubba is supposed to have the kids for this break. Unfortunately, he has made no moves to contact me about getting them and he told the kids he wouldn’t be able to take them for this break. Wow, it must be nice to have an option not to parent your children. I’m so horribly afraid he won’t take the boys for summer.
He’s given Serenity permission (at least to her) to stay with me this summer. She’s involved in some activities that she does not want to miss because they actually meet more during the summer. It would set her back and destroy her possibility for advancement in the organization if she leaves for two months this summer. I’m really concerned about the boys going up by themselves, but it would’ve happened next summer anyway. Liam is prepared to defend them both if necessary. (And how I hate that my young teenage son feels this way about his own father.)
This weekend has just been a massive dump of garbage for me. I didn’t get to see Steve, I have thrush, I haven’t had a break in two months and it will be another two before I might possibly get a break if Bubba takes the boys at all, and my vibrator died. I’m mad at the world and pouting like a big baby. I want to stomp my foot and scream about the injustices in my world.
All I want is a hug.