Happy 1 Year of Freedom!
It’s been one year since the judge signed my divorce papers and set me free from Bubba. A full year of growing, healing, and of not living in constant abuse.
As I look back over the past year, where I started on that day as a frightened, cowering woman, giving in to Bubba’s demands to simply be free and the brave, powerful, confident (well, mostly) woman I am today, I feel entirely blessed that God has been with me through this all. I feel entirely blessed to have an amazing support network of people who have walked this journey with me. I feel entirely blessed that I was able to cut my toxic Family of Origin (FOO) out of my life and how free I feel because of that.
I walked into that court room a year ago, still afraid that I was going to lose custody of my children, afraid that my parents would show up to help rip them away from me, afraid that if that happened, I’d end up right back with Bubba. I look back at the fear that defined my life and sometimes wish I had today’s backbone to take back to the me I was a year ago. However, I’m healed enough to know that I did the best with the information I had at the time. I know, absolutely, that I did the right thing. I know that going into debt for probably the rest of my life in order to ensure that I got custody of my kids was a no-brainer. I’d do it all over again in a heartbeat to protect my children.
Even though I still have to have contact with Bubba, I limit it to email only and I will only engage with him about topics concerning the children. When he goes off on an email rant and tries to abuse me that away, I simply pick out the pertinent information about the kids and know that the rest of what he says has no power in my life. It can’t touch me because I know who he is. He is an abuser – still. However, I am no longer his victim!
In the past year, I’ve gone to counseling, released and reintegrated Fluffy, had an amazing few days with Luke, went to a strange place with Sean, and started dating. I’m still on my healing journey because it isn’t something that is going to be over anytime soon. I’m still learning, growing, and healing.
I like myself now. I like the woman I’ve become. I have a good, steady job and I can support myself and my children. I can take care of us. I am confident that I am sane – even when life feels crazy. My reality is sure and sound.
I’m free. I’m happy. I’m Hope.
- Posted in: As Life Continues - My Story Now ♦ Second Year Divorced
- Tagged: abuse, abuser, abusive dynamic, abusive marriage, afraid, anger, boundaries, children, confident, counseling, crazy, divorce, emotional abuse, emotions, family, Family of Origin, feelings, fluffy, freedom, friends, Friends With Benefits, healing, insanity, job, Luke, marital rape, one year!, ownership, parenting, Power and Control Wheel, rape, Sean, self-sufficient, sex, sexual abuse, strong, survivor