Bad Laws – Part 3

As I was getting ready for my date last night, Endellion and I were on Skype and we both discovered a few more Bad Laws that needed rewriting right away.

Our main premise is as follows:

Our previous relationships were with assholes, and therefore are not indicative of future relationships.

Bad Law #12 – My weight is prohibitive in being desirable for relationship.  Lie.

Truth- Women of all shapes are in sexual relationships, ugly, attractive or not. Even Ugly, fat and disfigured women get respectful sexual relationships with good men. I do not have to be attractive to be loved.

This is really Endellion’s Bad Law although it is, to a extent, mine also.  We talked about it and I find it rather amusing that what we each think of what is a sexy woman is the exact opposite of what we are.  In other words, we view each other as the epitome of what is good, sexy, womanly, and attractive.  Endellion and I are, body wise, exact opposites.  Where I am short, she is tall.  Where I am slender, she is curvy.  You couldn’t put two more physically opposite women together.

We figured it out.  Her ex and Bubba both tore down the essense of who we are and how we are shaped.  They used how we are shaped against us and we internalized that how we look is the exact opposite of what a real woman should look like.  We don’t see ourselves as attractive but we see each other as what is attractive.  They twisted us up so badly that we can’t look in the mirror and see WOMAN!  We look in the mirror and see a lack of female beauty.

We both need to take the lies that were fed to us and learn to love how we are formed.  God created us both in His image.  We are beautiful, inside and out.

Bad Law #13 – When I really like or desire someone, everything immediately goes to Hell in a fucking hand basket.  Lie.

Truth- It is healthy and safe to be attracted to the opposite sex, and to explore that attraction; because we ARE capable of ending it if we need to.

This is my Bad Law.  I look at what happened with Luke and then with Sean. This Law springs from those experiences.  What Endellion had to point out is that what happened before doesn’t mean it will happen again.  Luke seems to be a commitmentphobe.  He seems quite content to remain a bachelor.  He also was exactly what I needed when I needed it.  Our relationship was never meant to develop beyond that physical relationship last summer.  It just wasn’t.

What happened with Sean – that going to hell – had more to do with the fact that Sean recognized health in me and it highlighted the unhealth in his own life.  Endellion is convinced that on some level he knew that he couldn’t be what I needed and that is why he disappeared on me.  He opted to avoid that which he knew he couldn’t live up to.  I simply don’t know and I never will.  Whatever his reasons, he couldn’t be the man I needed him to be.

Bad Law #14 – We will fall in love with someone who is not healthy.  Lie.

Truth– We have grown past the stage where we would attract those types of men.  And if we do and we do fall, we are healthy enough to say good-bye and walk away.  No, it won’t be without pain but we can do it.  We are not doomed to repeat our mistakes because we’re learning and growing and neither of us will be content with anything less than what we know we deserve – a healthy, loving, mutually respectful relationship.

It was good to rewrite some laws before my date.  I have a feeling we are nowhere near done rewriting though.


  1. tryingtodogood

    I wonder if I could ever find a healthy guy myself…might as well stay with what I know. My first love out of the blue has been texting today wanting to meet for sex! I am like putty I miss him so much 😦 He has a girlfriend now that has met his family but he wants to cheat with me! What a mess-my poor heart…Help-I’ve fallen and I can’t get up.

    • Having no man in your life is so much better than living in abuse. Just the ability to not live in daily fear is amazing! You are worthy of love, care, and respect!

      Your first love is not showing you love, care, or respect. He is treating you like dirt! A man who loves a woman will not want to cheat with her. He so clearly respects NO women at all. These are the types of men we need to avoid at all costs.

      And I’ve often wondered if I’ll ever meet a healthy man. I’ve come to the conclusion that even if I don’t, being alone is preferable to being treated how I’ve been treated in the past. Absolutely. I will never be treated horribly or abused again.

      • tryingtodogood

        You are so right! I now realize that he was abusive too and somehow it doesn’t hurt as much to give up him because he isn’t healthy either and would just end up hurting me in the long run. I feel good about myself for refusing to let him use me. Every small victory is sweet. Like you and Endellion said above, the future doesn’t have to be like the past. There is much to be hopeful about 🙂 Thank you for sacrificing your time to encourage others.


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