Date With Bachelor #2
When Bill and I were talking on the phone, I thought that his voice was a bit nasally. I was hoping it would sound better in person.
I arrived about ten minutes early and he called to tell me he was running about five minutes late. Since I had 15 minutes I decided to run across the street to the grocery store for something that I can buy only at that particular store. As I was pulling back into the Olive Garden’s parking lot, Bill called to tell me he was walking up to the front. We met in the parking lot and shook hands.
There was a long wait and he asked if I minded eating at the bar so we wouldn’t have to wait. We sat at the corner of the bar, which put us in close proximity. That made me a little nervous, but I’m trying to loosen up my boundaries a bit because I know that they go so far beyond normal boundaries that I don’t want to come across as completely unapproachable. I know myself well enough to know that if I continue to keep the armor plating and force field in place, it will be perfectly content to stay there. I want it down, so I’m going to have to fight myself to win this one.
We had a nice meal and some good conversation. It was a pleasant time except for one small fact. His voice annoyed me. Really, really annoyed me. There was absolutely no chemistry there and I couldn’t imagine spending more time with him when I just wanted to not hear him talk anymore.
After dinner, he walked me to my car. We were standing there, chatting, when he said, “I think that man wants your parking space.” I took the opportunity to say, “I better get going then.” He put his arm around me for a hug and I pulled back and put out my hand to shake his. He said, “Oh, God.” and I could hear the eye roll in his voice. That sealed the deal.
He texted a bit later so I texted back to thank him for dinner and that I just didn’t think we were a good fit. He didn’t respond.
I had a lot of trouble sending that text. Although I had a HUGE victory tonight – I didn’t freeze when he went for a hug, I defended my body boundary!!! – I still have trouble with being a people-pleaser. It was hard for me to tell Bill that I didn’t want to see him again because I don’t like doing anything that might hurt another person. I’m still fighting that demon that I have to make everyone happy all the time and that it is my personal responsibility to make sure no one is ever unhappy.
Tonight’s date was a mixed bag. I met a nice man, had a nice meal, realized he wasn’t *the* nice man I was looking for, defended my body boundary, and told him it wouldn’t work out.
It was a very big night.