A Month

In two days it will be a month since I saw Sean last.  Since I kissed him last.  Since he was in my bed last.

I was supposed to mourn this last night.  Instead I talked to Endellion and we laughed!  I’ve said during this month that Sean isn’t worth the tears.  I still don’t think he is, but I’m worth shedding them and mourning the end of this friendship.  I need to grieve.

I’m so incredibly hurt that Sean has a girlfriend already.  He certainly moved on from me fast enough.  I’m hoping I don’t ever have to see her.  I know it isn’t realistic since he lives across the street, but I can hope.  I especially don’t want to see him kissing her.

I hate that I’m still hung up on him.  I hate that I still physically want him.  I won’t go anywhere near him now.  For one thing, he is off the market.  For another, if he chose another woman, I won’t let him touch me.

I hate that I look out my window and see his truck and don’t get that feeling of peace anymore.  I used to see his truck and just feel that all was right in my world because he was across the street.  Now I see his truck and I just feel sad that he isn’t my friend anymore.

We can’t unring the bell.  I offered him a piece of myself and he turned that down.  We continued making out and the chemistry between us is something that we’d never be able to contain.  I know he felt it too, it wasn’t just one-sided on my part.  There would always be sexual tension if we were in the same room.

It’s just incredibly sad to me.  I’ve lost a friend.  I wish it wasn’t this way.  I wish he was more reliable.  I wish I could trust him.  It took me a long time but I’ve finally realized that he will perpetually let me down if we’d decided to stay friends.  I can’t live like that.

I’m really getting sick of mourning and moving on.

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5 Comments

  1. Michelle

    I’m so sorry and know how hard this is for you – I’ve been there, too. If Sean is a narcissist then it would make perfect sense for him to move directly on to someone else. Narcissists must have someone to provide their supply of love, adoration, sex, approval, affection – or whatever their need is. So whatever supply you provided for him, he had to replace. And if/when she tires of his abuse and crap, he’ll sadly move on to someone else.

    I’d love to see you pursue things in your life that make you feel good and happy that don’t have anything to do with a man. I want you to love yourself so much that you don’t need a man to make you feel good about who you are – and when you then decide later that you WANT a man in your life it will be so much better for you and happier – and easier – for you both. Please – do things that you love and do them just for you. Date, invest in and adore your own beautiful self!!

    • Honestly, after being with Bubba and knowing that Bubba is a narcissist, Sean is definitely NOT. He’s a very lonely, broken man.

      I know I don’t need a man to make me feel good about who I am. I like me! I also know that we are not meant to be alone. God designed us to be partnered. I don’t look at men as a way to complete me but to enhance the life I’ve made for myself. The right one will come along eventually.

Trackbacks

  1. I Finally Cried | Hope Wears Heels
  2. Two Months | Hope Wears Heels
  3. Sean Visits | Hope Wears Heels

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