I was supposed to mourn this last night. Instead I talked to Endellion and we laughed! I’ve said during this month that Sean isn’t worth the tears. I still don’t think he is, but I’m worth shedding them and mourning the end of this friendship. I need to grieve.
I’m so incredibly hurt that Sean has a girlfriend already. He certainly moved on from me fast enough. I’m hoping I don’t ever have to see her. I know it isn’t realistic since he lives across the street, but I can hope. I especially don’t want to see him kissing her.
I hate that I’m still hung up on him. I hate that I still physically want him. I won’t go anywhere near him now. For one thing, he is off the market. For another, if he chose another woman, I won’t let him touch me.
I hate that I look out my window and see his truck and don’t get that feeling of peace anymore. I used to see his truck and just feel that all was right in my world because he was across the street. Now I see his truck and I just feel sad that he isn’t my friend anymore.
We can’t unring the bell. I offered him a piece of myself and he turned that down. We continued making out and the chemistry between us is something that we’d never be able to contain. I know he felt it too, it wasn’t just one-sided on my part. There would always be sexual tension if we were in the same room.
It’s just incredibly sad to me. I’ve lost a friend. I wish it wasn’t this way. I wish he was more reliable. I wish I could trust him. It took me a long time but I’ve finally realized that he will perpetually let me down if we’d decided to stay friends. I can’t live like that.
I’m really getting sick of mourning and moving on.