It’s Been Some Week

This week, post car crash, has been some week!  There haven’t been many ups and it has been full of downs.

I was at the chiropractor three times this week.  I feel so much better today than I did when I first started seeing her.  I’m still stiff and sore but my head isn’t throbbing as much as it had been.  I generally feel better in the mornings and progressively worse as the day wears on.  By the time I get home in the evenings, I just feel done.  Of course, that is when I have to deal with the children so that’s been a challenge.

My emotions are all over the board.  I’m so irritable that I don’t even like my own company right now.  I know it is a side effect of the crash but I am driving myself nuts.  I’m still irrationally angry at Sean.  The kids are fighting so much that I want to just run away.  The phone ringing at work makes me want to rip it out of the wall.  I’m just beyond grumpy.

I just found out yesterday that I won’t find out about my car for another three days.  The adjuster just looked at it yesterday and needs the shop to do some things to it so that he can decide if it is fixable or totaled.  I hate not knowing what is going on.  I don’t know how I’m going to afford to replace my car if they total it.  That is a huge stress for me right now.

A bright spot right now is that Luke and I are texting again and it feels right.  There is no sexting, no innuendos, nothing of that sort.  It is just friendly and I feel better about it than I have in months.  I think this is just part of my new-found acceptance.  I’ve accepted that Luke and I aren’t meant to be together (even if I can admit there is still a tiny flame of hope left alive in me somewhere) and that he really is an amazing friend.  I’m so glad that he still cares and that he puts up with my craziness.

As I’ve told Endellion before, I realize that Luke and I aren’t meant to be together, but if he showed up on my doorstep, I’d welcome him with open arms and an open bed.  In fact, somewhere in the next few months, I’m probably going to ask if he is coming to visit me this summer.  I truly hope that he can.  I’m not getting my hopes up or holding my breath, but I will dream.

Tonight is Friday.  The week from hell will be officially over and I plan to have a bit of Scotch.  I need to relax and mellow out and I need a good night’s sleep.

I also need to not care that this will be another weekend of The Lonelies and that had things been different, The Lonelies wouldn’t be here.

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