I know that people today doubt the existence of miracles. I am living proof that miracles happen today. God has provided me with so many miracles that I doubt I could count or remember them all. I will endeavor to try.
Through everything we have endured, God has continuously provided for us. We always had food, shelter, clothes, heat/air conditioning, water, etc. After The Incident, He kept us physically safe, even when we didn’t feel that way. When Bubba raged at Serenity during that one visitation, she was kept from physical harm.
I’ve gone to church three times now and I can more clearly see all of God’s Provisions over the past two years.
* Opening my eyes to the abuse suffered at the hands of Bubba and my family. It was this miracle that got the ball rolling.
* When Bubba got fired six months before I left and had been out of work for months, money was getting tight. The kids all needed new socks and I was mentioning to an online friend that I was hoping to get a few more months wear out of their socks. A few days later, two Wal-Mart gift cards arrived in the mail. Her and another friend (neither of whom I’d met in real life) both sent me money to buy the kids socks.
* The night the kids and I fled in fear when Bubba got violent, I called Arcadia to see if we could stay with her. It just happened that she was house-sitting for a friend of hers whom Bubba does not know. The house is large and there was plenty of room for us to crash there in safety because Bubba didn’t know where we were.
* The day after The Incident, a friend who lives along the path to my parents’ house took us in for two days. She even let us bring our cat. With only a day’s notice, her family opened their house up to four very traumatized people and a freaked out cat. When Shane had a rage of epic proportions the first night at her house, she calmly sat with me and encouraged me. She “got” it.
* When Bubba came back to town for one of our court dates, I was afraid he’d try to show up at our house. Arcadia has a friend who shelters people in times like these. She took us in with only a few hours’ notice. She’d never heard of us and we’d never heard of her but her family took us in for a night so that I’d feel safe. The kids viewed it as a wonderful sleep-over.
* A friend sent me money last year so that I could give the kids a great Christmas. Since I’m one of the most frugal people ever, I was able to fund Christmas for the three kids, Serenity’s Sweet 16 party, and some new clothes for me from Goodwill. When Liam brought home a permission form for an expensive field trip that I could not afford and Bubba refused to pay half of, I counted the money I had left from my friend. It was exactly the amount I needed to fund the field trip.
* I mentioned on an online message board I’m part of that I needed to make a new will. I asked for suggestions on doing it myself. A few days later, I received a do-it-yourself will kit in the mail. The friend had asked for my address and I just assumed she wanted to send an encouraging card. Nope. She wanted me to have a will kit so that I could get it taken care of quickly.
* When we were court-ordered to have psychological evaluations, another friend sent me a message saying that she would be honored if I let her contribute money to pay for my portion of the eval.
*The friend sent me money for Christmas again this year. The children had so many clothing needs right then that I couldn’t meet (new shoes and warm clothes) and because of my friend’s generosity I was able to get those needs met, plus birthday presents and Christmas presents. Also, I was able to share a portion of this money with another friend who has absolutely no money to buy her children Christmas presents because she’s in the same position I am in. It felt so good to be able to give again! I consider that a miracle in itself. I was able to share a blessing with a friend so that her kids could have a great Christmas too!
*A friend of a friend was cleaning out her closet and had clothes in my size to donate. My friend told me about it and connected me with her friend. I went over to her house, expecting to walk away with a couple skirts. I left her house with so many clothes that she had to help me carry them out to my car. What an amazing blessing!
In this life we have trials and tribulations. We suffer. We feel pain. Happiness is not guaranteed. There have been times I’ve shaken my fists at God and screamed at Him. I’ve been angry at God – so angry that I’ve sworn at Him, told Him exactly what I thought of Him, and dared Him to prove me wrong.
Time and time again, He’s taken me onto His lap, let me rage, and offered me nothing but love and comfort. He’s never punished me for my big feelings, for questioning Him, for doubting.
I’m still trying to get right with God. I’m still angry at Him at times for allowing all of this to happen to my precious children and me. I’m still doubting. But His presence is constant and His love is true – even when I don’t believe it.
That brings me comfort. God is good.