He Called

After 48 hours, Sean finally called.  I’d been right in the middle of trying to make an appointment with an accountant to get my taxes done, Serenity brought Shane in because Shane was attacking Liam, and now she was mad because I asked her to deal with it because I was on the phone.  All hell had broken loose, so I didn’t answer my phone.

An hour later, things had calmed down, Shane was showered and in bed so Liam and I were in Serenity’s room playing video games.  Liam is at an age when hanging out with Mom isn’t the coolest thing in the world to do so we rarely have time with just the two of us.  When Sean called again, I ignored the call because I was enjoying my time with Liam and knew that if I answered the phone, it would be a long conversation and I just didn’t want to get into it.

Once Liam and I were done, I called Endellion because Sean had left me a voice mail.  In it he said he was going to assume that since I didn’t answer the phone that I never wanted to talk to him again.  If that was true all I had to do was text him “please don’t” and he’d know to leave me alone.  Hello, 12 year old Drama Queen!!!!  I needed to work this out with Endellion because I knew if I tried to call him back, I’d just end up yelling at him.

I finally texted back to him, “I wasn’t ignoring you.  I needed to take care of my kids.  Right now I”m very hurt and annoyed.  You said you’d be here Saturday night and you evaporated on me.  I thought we talked about this.”

Nothing!  Seriously, he never responded.  Why am I surprised by this.  This is who Sean is.  Endellion says that from the voice mail, it seems that he knows he screwed up.  I can’t get over the whole, “you never want to speak to me again” though.  I would think a more appropriate voice mail would’ve been, “I’m sorry I messed up.”

I guess we’re playing a nice game of volleyball right now.  The ball was in my court when he left the voice mail and I volleyed it back to him with my text.  I can’t get over feeling that this is absolutely ridiculous.  I don’t like games.  I like how I’m feeling even less.

I know I need to talk to him.  I know I need to tell him that whatever this was is over.  I know I need to tell him I need some time.  But all I want to do is walk into his arms and have him make me forget about all of that.  I want my brain to shut down and I just want the sensations.

Since I’m refusing to actually deal with any of this, my neck and shoulders are killing me.  I’m denying my feelings because I don’t want to face them and they are manifesting in physical pain.  I need to talk to him tonight.

I need to bite the bullet and take care of this.

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