I Have a Theory
Bubba and I were in negotiations for another of his visits with the kids. This really should be simple, requiring no more than one email from me, stating the times (from the court order and formerly set precedents) and a confirmation email from him.
At least one would think that would be all that is required. This latest visitation required 16 emails! Not only did he try to change the set times, he even tried to change the times he stated once it was clear that I was calling him on his bullshit. He also conveniently rewrote history repeatedly. Right now he has the children for a holiday visitation and I’m not entirely sure what time I’m picking them up on the designated day because, instead of confirming a time, he decided to attack me instead.
As I was driving the children to meet Bubba, they were all bickering so I tuned them out and started thinking about Bubba’s latest email. That is when it hit me. I have a theory about his attacks. I have to do some research into prior emails to see if this pans out.
My theory is this: Bubba issues what he thinks is a command, trying to retain his control over me or I call him on his bullshit and remind him that we both need to follow the court orders. This creates a huge ripple in his pool of reality thus necessitating that he try to calm the waters by attacking me and putting me back into the place he’s assigned me in his reality.
The trigger for the latest attack was that once again, he changed the time for him to pick up the kids and told me to only say “yes” or “no” and that no other comments were needed. Instead of “obeying” his edict, I called him on his bullshit and told him that we need to follow the court-orders. It is in the children’s best interest to have predictability and knowing that times are set will give them that. Instead of being reasonable and agreeing that doing it that way would be best for the children, he again chose to blame me for the divorce, tell me that if I really wanted what was in the children’s best interest the divorce wouldn’t have happened (and that just shows me how out of touch with reality he is) and that I’m selfish and that I broke this family apart. He didn’t actually say it that pleasantly either. Actually, I went back and reread the string of 16 emails. He attacked me three times, each time after I had said we need to stick to the court orders.
Update: I had time to look and each and every time he’s attacked me it has been after I’ve either told him we need to stick to the court-ordered parenting plan or I failed to obey one of his “commands.” He can’t just leave it alone or respond nicely. He goes into full blown attack mode and makes it about something completely different than the subject at hand.
I’m considering doing some printing of all these emails and taking a trip to the police station to see if this would qualify for any type of protection for me. While I’m at a point in my life that I find his tirades mostly laughable (they actually amuse the daylights out of me because they have zero power over me now), I don’t think Bubba should be allowed to continue his email attacks of me without some type of consequences.
Update 2 (yes, it has taken me a few days to write this post): For now, I will bide my time. I found out last night that Child Support Enforcement just caught up with him, so we’ll see what the next two months bring. Once the financial consequences really hit, we’ll see what happens to his attitude. If he escalates, I’ll head to the police station with my emails. It’s always better to give them enough rope to hang themselves with. I can just sit back and wait to see how he handles this new development. I don’t want to initiate anything while the children are with him and our email contact only happens when he wants visitation.
We’ll see how the next exchange goes.