And Then He Kissed Me….
Sean came over Saturday night when I was already in bed. When I told him to come over, I wasn’t sure if he would or not since I was already back there, but he did. When he got there I was sitting on my bed, talking to Endellion on Skype, so he lounged behind me while Endellion and I finished our conversation. We’d been doing shots together so I was a little bit on the way to being drunk (ok, I was probably already there).
Endellion and I had been talking about how women just fall into bed with men. I said to her, “It amazes me that some women seem to be like, ‘Well, I tripped and accidentally impaled myself on his penis!’” Then I heard a chuckle and realized that Sean was sitting here. I’d totally forgotten he was there and was just going off on one of my tangents. I was a tiny bit embarrassed.
At one point, I turned to look at him and he moved in like he was going to kiss me. I told him “One of these days…..” He explained to Endellion that I kept telling him that one of these days I was going to call his bluff and see what he did. After about 10 more minutes of talking, I said good night to Endellion and put my computer on the floor.
I snuggled up to Sean and we just laid there and talked. He’d said he’d had a bad week and I wanted to know about it. He told me about it and I am just so angry about his circumstances. It sucks for him.
After a bit of time, he suggested turning out the light to see if we could get some sleep. It was well after midnight and we were both tired. I turned out the light only we kept talking. And talking. And talking.
I don’t remember how it happened – what led up to it, but I called his bluff and he kissed me. He called it a peck because it only involved our lips. It felt so good. We talked some more and then he kissed me again. When I say he kissed me, I mean he kissed me. I felt it all the way down to my toes and every place in between. I’d never felt that zing before with him and I’d been getting more and more curious as to whether I would or not. I’ve maintained all along that I felt nothing sexual toward him and I realize now that I hadn’t. When he kissed me though, all that changed.
I’d been getting more and more curious about how he would kiss. My whole curiosity hinged on him being a bad kisser. You see, if he was a bad kisser, I could just walk away from it. I spent 20 years with a bad kisser and I’m not about to waste anymore time on a man who doesn’t even know his way around a woman’s mouth. I counted on him being a bad kisser. I counted on the fact that he is a smoker to make it a not pleasant experience. I counted on the fact that there are so many non-negotiables with him that it wouldn’t be good. I was so very wrong.
When he got that mosquito off of my leg months ago, I had the thought that he was savoring touching my leg. That is the exact same thought I had as he was kissing me. It was almost like I was a rare delicacy and he was going to enjoy me to the fullest. The kisses (and there were many) were slow and delicate at first. His mouth made love to mine. That is the only way I can describe it.
During one of the kisses, I must’ve moaned or made some sound because it encouraged him to deepen the kiss. I felt an urgency in him that sparked something in me. I had a taste of really good sex with Luke and my body is craving it now. Those kisses promised so much. No matter that my mind is screaming that this is a royally bad, bad idea, my body is screaming for Sean.
So much of our conversation involved hypothetical sexual situations. I said something about if we ever fuck and he responded with, “I don’t want to fuck you, Hope.” I immediately thought, “Well, then what the fuck have you been working toward since we met in May?” Before I could verbalize that, he continued with, “I want to make love with you.” He clearly thinks of them as two different things. I’m still trying to figure out the differences in terminology and if a distinction is even important.
He pointed out that it was 3 am and I was shocked that the time had flown. We’d not slept at all, instead sharing kisses and sighs and good conversation. He has a depth to him that no one would suspect just by looking at his redneck exterior.
I did ask him if he was just going to disappear again after this. He said he had to work and told me about his business starting to take off. Deep down, I knew that he would disappear on me.
I knew it but I hoped against it.