Something I Can Actually Send?

Dear Luke,

Thank you.  Thank you for your friendship, your hand-holding, your hard questions, your reality checks, your kindness, caring, and respect.  Thank you for visiting me and teaching me what sex can and should be like.  Thank you for everything you have done for me over the past 18 months.  You will never know what you mean to me.

I broke the first rule of FWB, I got too emotionally attached to you.  Looking back now, I was too emotionally attached before your visit but sharing what we did just cemented the deal.  I can’t move on with my life when I’ve already given you a piece of my heart.  I now need to take it back and find a way to make peace with the fact that I did, indeed, get an answer to my “what if?” question.  What if?  Well, we would have an amazing few days together and that would be the end of it.

I can no longer be your texting buddy.  It isn’t enough for me, I want more than you seem willing to give.  I want more than just texts.  I want to develop our friendship and see where that takes us.  However, I know that a relationship involves two people and you’ve found reasons each time I’ve asked for more that you weren’t able to give more.  It is ok that you don’t want more, it’s simply where you are.  I simply can’t live in this space anymore.

I don’t know what form our friendship will take in the future.  All I know is that for now, this season in my life, I need to pull away and learn to fly on my own.  I need to reclaim that piece of my heart I gave you over 20 years ago.  I hope you can understand where I’m coming from and why I feel the need to do this now.  I wouldn’t hurt you for the world.

Hope

I keep trying to find the right words to send to Luke.  I can’t find them.  If I keep trying, I’ll find the right way to say what needs to be said.

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1 Comment

  1. I think this is a beautiful letter.

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