An Interesting Question
Today, after work, Sean asked if I was comfortable enough to have sex with “that guy” over the summer why would I freak out if he tried to kiss me. I told him, “Because I’ve known him for 26 years. I trust him completely.”
Having known someone for only 5-1/2 months does not have the same kind of relationship and therefore, trust, that knowing someone for 26 years does. It just doesn’t.
This also brings up the next question….If I get involved in another relationship, how long is it going to take before I feel comfortable getting in any way physical with the man?
Wow. I haven’t contemplated that question yet. I’ve known Sean for 5-1/2 months now and I’m just now starting to get comfortable with him touching me. In fact, I just told him today that express permission is no longer needed for him to touch me. I told him we’d give casual touch a try and see how it goes. This is a huge step for me. To allow a man unrestricted access to casually touch me. Yes, I am giving him this permission because I believe he will be respectful of me and use it both carefully and judiciously. I do not believe he will abuse the privilege. I also know that I’m comfortable enough to rescind the permission if he does do anything to make me feel uncomfortable.
The characteristics that my future boyfriend has to have continues to grow. Now I have to add, “Must be ok with minimal touching for about a half a year.” I know I can’t predict how long it will take me to feel comfortable letting a man I’m dating touch me. I have no frame of reference for that. I just know that before any first dates, I’ll be letting him know that a handshake is all I’m comfortable with. I figure if I’m comfortable on the first date, I’ll mention my body boundaries and that permission is needed before any touching. I think that will weed out the bad ones. If a man is truly of worth, he will be respectful of this need. He doesn’t need to know the reason, he just has to respect the rules.
After Sean asked that question and I answered him, I said, “Hey! Wait a minute! You’re just angling to get me to kiss you, aren’t you?” He said, “I’d be thrilled if you did, but no. I just want to know why you were ok having sex with him and you don’t want anyone else to touch you.”
Yeah. How do I explain Luke? Even now, even after the end of the sexting – the cooling off of that aspect of our relationship – I’d still take him back into my bed in a heartbeat if he showed up on my doorstep. There wouldn’t be any need to think about it. I’d happily fuck his brains out for however long he wanted to visit then I’d say good-bye again. I know it would devastate me and turn my world on its head. But I’d do it. Simpy because he’s Luke. How does one explain that?
There is no explanation. It just simply is.