A Dream

I had a dream last night that I remember very vividly this morning.

I got home from work and found that Bubba had moved back in.  I wasn’t living in my house, it was a big house and his stuff was everywhere.  I was not happy about it but I didn’t want to say anything in front of the kids.  I guess I’d just moved in because my neighbors were all outside on my porch, waiting to meet me.  I was walking around in my pjs (which consist of a skimpy tank top and my underwear).  I needed to get to my bedroom because I needed to shower and leave.  I had an appointment to go to.

I asked Bubba to go outside and move everyone around to the front of the house.  The door to my bedroom was on the outside of the house.  I had to go out the kitchen door and walk a few feet on the side porch to get to my bedroom.  I was in my underwear and there were men standing there.  I waited 5 minutes and Bubba wouldn’t do what I’d asked him to.

Thankfully, I found a skirt and put it on.  I went outside and explained that I was very late for an appointment but they could all come back later to visit.

My shower was in the basement and it was just a large area around the washer and dryer with a drain in the floor and a pressure washer looking thing for a shower.  I was angry that Bubba was making me use that instead of letting me use a regular shower.

My appointment ended up being with the manager of a fancy restaurant in town.  I think we were friends but I’m not sure what the appointment was about.  Bubba showed up and she seated us at a table.  Bubba had said he wanted to take me out to dinner and talk about how we were getting back together.

We were looking at the menu when I asked Bubba where he was working now.  He said he didn’t exactly have a job yet.  He couldn’t afford to live on his own anymore so he’d moved in with me while he looked for a job.  I was incredulous.  I thought he was taking me to dinner only to find out that he was still a deadbeat and he was going to make me pay for dinner.  I looked at him and told him that he was a deadbeat and because he was a deadbeat I couldn’t afford to pay all of my bills there was no way in hell that I was going to pay for a fancy meal for us when I couldn’t be assured that I could pay my rent for much longer.

Then I stood up and said, “You have precisely 3 hours to get your things out of my house.  You are not welcome there.  We will not be getting back together ever.  If your things aren’t gone in 3 hours, they will be considered mine and I will burn or destroy them or keep them as I see fit.”

Then I got up and walked out.  The manager handed me a to-go box full of food on the way out and told me there wasn’t any charge for me.  I cried as I walked down the street and that is when I woke up.

I’m finally finding some power in my dreams.  Yes, I went along with Bubba at first.  I was too stunned to react.  I remember feeling like everything was in a fog and that taking him back really couldn’t be my reality.  Then, when I found out he still wasn’t working and expected me to pay for a fancy meal for him on what I make?  Well, that woke something up in me and I put my foot down.

Then I think I must’ve dozed back off because I remember seeing Shane and Liam very upset.  I was carrying Shane as he cried and I wrapped my arm around Liam and told Bubba to go away – that I would handle this.  He said something smart but I don’t remember what it was.  I looked at him and said, “I will handle this because that is what I do – clean up your messes when it involves these kids.  Just leave us alone.  I’ve got this.”

And he went away.


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