I had a dream last night that I remember very vividly this morning.
I got home from work and found that Bubba had moved back in. I wasn’t living in my house, it was a big house and his stuff was everywhere. I was not happy about it but I didn’t want to say anything in front of the kids. I guess I’d just moved in because my neighbors were all outside on my porch, waiting to meet me. I was walking around in my pjs (which consist of a skimpy tank top and my underwear). I needed to get to my bedroom because I needed to shower and leave. I had an appointment to go to.
I asked Bubba to go outside and move everyone around to the front of the house. The door to my bedroom was on the outside of the house. I had to go out the kitchen door and walk a few feet on the side porch to get to my bedroom. I was in my underwear and there were men standing there. I waited 5 minutes and Bubba wouldn’t do what I’d asked him to.
Thankfully, I found a skirt and put it on. I went outside and explained that I was very late for an appointment but they could all come back later to visit.
My shower was in the basement and it was just a large area around the washer and dryer with a drain in the floor and a pressure washer looking thing for a shower. I was angry that Bubba was making me use that instead of letting me use a regular shower.
My appointment ended up being with the manager of a fancy restaurant in town. I think we were friends but I’m not sure what the appointment was about. Bubba showed up and she seated us at a table. Bubba had said he wanted to take me out to dinner and talk about how we were getting back together.
We were looking at the menu when I asked Bubba where he was working now. He said he didn’t exactly have a job yet. He couldn’t afford to live on his own anymore so he’d moved in with me while he looked for a job. I was incredulous. I thought he was taking me to dinner only to find out that he was still a deadbeat and he was going to make me pay for dinner. I looked at him and told him that he was a deadbeat and because he was a deadbeat I couldn’t afford to pay all of my bills there was no way in hell that I was going to pay for a fancy meal for us when I couldn’t be assured that I could pay my rent for much longer.
Then I stood up and said, “You have precisely 3 hours to get your things out of my house. You are not welcome there. We will not be getting back together ever. If your things aren’t gone in 3 hours, they will be considered mine and I will burn or destroy them or keep them as I see fit.”
Then I got up and walked out. The manager handed me a to-go box full of food on the way out and told me there wasn’t any charge for me. I cried as I walked down the street and that is when I woke up.
I’m finally finding some power in my dreams. Yes, I went along with Bubba at first. I was too stunned to react. I remember feeling like everything was in a fog and that taking him back really couldn’t be my reality. Then, when I found out he still wasn’t working and expected me to pay for a fancy meal for him on what I make? Well, that woke something up in me and I put my foot down.
Then I think I must’ve dozed back off because I remember seeing Shane and Liam very upset. I was carrying Shane as he cried and I wrapped my arm around Liam and told Bubba to go away – that I would handle this. He said something smart but I don’t remember what it was. I looked at him and said, “I will handle this because that is what I do – clean up your messes when it involves these kids. Just leave us alone. I’ve got this.”
And he went away.