Hope’s Playlists

I was out running errands the other day and started making a mental list of songs that I wanted to add to my YouTube playlists.  (Since I was driving, I completely forget them all by the time I got home.  <headdesk>)

Throughout this journey, I’ve used music to bolster my strength, soothe my soul, and give me hope for the future.

There are songs that convey power to the listener, lending the strength of their words to the person who hears them.  I needed those songs in the early days of my escaping the marriage.  I had no strength of my own so I needed to borrow as much as I could.  I would listen to the same songs over and over, sometimes turning the volume up loudly enough that I could drown out my own poor singing.  I listened to these songs again and again until I took their power into my being and made it my own.

There are songs that simply soothe the soul.  When things started calming down and I didn’t need the power songs as much, I realized that I needed to find a way to relax and get some peace.  Two of my favorite calming songs were given to me by a man I’d never met but had chatted with on Facebook before.  He shared music with me that I’d never experienced and those songs spoke to me.  Sadly, he was but a blip on my radar and I’ve since moved on because he turned out to not be a safe person for me, but I’m forever grateful for the music he shared with me.

Then there are the songs I listened to when I dreamed of a new life, when I dreamed of Luke.  It had been so long since I’d seen him that so many of the songs I would just listen and dream of seeing him again.   I listen to those songs now and think of the future and remember my time with Luke.  I still don’t believe in love but I’m not completely shut down to the possibility that it exists anymore like I used to be.  I can listen to those songs and dream that maybe, somewhere, someone is dreaming of me too.

I hope you enjoy my playlists.  I’ve added to them so some of the songs on my playlists now were not there when I first left, but they fit in the categories:

Strength:

Unbreakable by Fireflight

Stronger by Kelly Clarkson

Rolling in the Deep by Adele

The Fighter by Gym Class Heroes

Firework by Katy Perry

So What? by Pink

Mean by Taylor Swift

Mr. Know-It-All by Kelly Clarkson

Part of Me by Katy Perry

Since You Been Gone by Kelly Clarkson

Jar of Hearts by Christina Perri

The Sun Will Rise by Kelly Clarkson

Fighter by Christina Aguilera

Set Fire to the Rain by Adele

Good Girl by Carrie Underwood (Have you seen the shoes in this video?????  Yum!)

Walk This Way – Aerosmith and Run DMC

Fuck You by Cee Lo Green  (Doesn’t he have the nicest smile?)

According to You by Orianthi

Blown Away by Carrie Underwood

Fuck You Very Much by Lily Allen

Catch My Breath by Kelly Clarkson

We Are Never Getting Back Together by Taylor Swift

Soul Soothing:

Sinking by Sysyphe

Free Fall (Guillaume Nery base jumping at Dean’s Blue Hole)

Space Drum by Yuki Koshimoto

Hope for the future (and some “I just need to cry” songs):

Careful – Michelle Featherstone

Are You Gonna Kiss Me? by Thompson Square

A Thousand Years by Christina Perri

Need You Now by Lady Antebellum

Dark Side by Kelly Clarkson

Just a Kiss by Lady Antebellum

Distance by Christina Perri feat. Jason Mraz

The Lonely by Christina Perri

I Am Yours by Jason Mraz

A Thousand Years, Part 2 by Christina Perri feat. Steve Kazee

Bring Me to Life by Evanscence

Everything by Alanis Morissette

Good Enough by Evanscence

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8 Comments

  1. Cantata

    I was thinking of a song the other day when we were talking, doesn’t exactly fit the situation, but one of my favorite “just need to cry” songs. Broken by Seether feat. Amy Lee from Evanescence.

  2. Cantata

    Here is the link for Broken:

    A few more:
    Perfect by Simple Plan (about screwed up family issues)

    Apologize by One Republic

  3. Cantata

    While I’m on a roll:

    Pretty Girl by Sugarcult (one of my all time favorites from high school)

    Face Down by The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus

  4. Cantata

    One more
    Love the way you lie (Part 2) by Rihanna feat. Eminem

    • When I was still with Bubba and would hear the first part of this song, I would feel so sad for her. The song made me want to cry but I didn’t understand why it touched me that way.

      After I left it made sense. I was identifying with it. Now it makes me sad because there are so many people stuck in that dynamic. They think they love the other person but it is traumatic bonding that keeps them in those chains. Fear. Feelings of worthlessness. Knowing that being treated that was is all we deserve because we’ve been so very conditioned to know our place in the world.

      Both versions of this song are just heart-breaking.

  5. Cantata

    Ok, I said that was the last one, but I don’t want to leave on a depressing note, so here is one more. I swear I will go to bed and stop posting after this. LOL

    Let me love you by Ne-Yo

    • This song rubs me the wrong way. All I can think when I hear it is that I need to learn to love myself before I can let anyone else love me. I can’t get past that thought so I turn the station every time this song comes on the radio.

  6. Aisy

    Three Days Grace has been my “angry music” since he moved out. And for some reason, “Drown” by them struck me. I don’t know what the meaning of the song is overall, but the part “If I needed someone to control me. If I needed someone to hold me down. I would change my direction.” reminded me of what I did not want again. He no longer controls me (my body). He won’t ever hold me down again and I will never go back in his direction. I might be missing the mark on the song, but that’s how I saw it. Also, their song “I Hate Everything About You”

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