Adventures in Dating, Online and Otherwise – Part 2

Part One

I lasted about three weeks before I went back to the dating website.  I thought that I’d give it a try again and see what happened.  I got a message from a man asking if I would consider someone two years older than my upper age limit.  We got to messaging on there and within a few weeks, I learned that we’d be attending the same event.  He would be working there and I was going with Arcadia.  I told him I’d try to stop by and introduce myself.

Arcadia, her kids, and I went to the event.  We watched the show we’d gone to see and talked to a bunch of people we knew.  All the while I was eyeing up Tech Man.  He was definitely older and I wasn’t physically attracted to him at all, but I thought it would be a good idea to meet him.  Maybe I’d make a new friend.  I approached him and we had just enough time to introduce ourselves before he had to get back to work.  We continued to text for a few days then he simply fell off the planet.

Again, I realized I wasn’t ready for all the unknowns of the dating world and disabled my account.  I was feeling very skittish and vulnerable and just wanted some more time to be me before I tried again.

About a month later, I decided to go back one last time.  I immediately got a message from Farm Boy.  He said he’d been looking at my profile and had been trying to work up the courage to send me a message when I just disappeared.  He’d been hoping I came back and jumped at the chance to send me a message before I disappeared again.  Farm Boy and I really hit it off.  We got to chatting on Yahoo and I stayed up entirely too late talking to him too many days in a row.  He was amusing and he indulged my love of shoes by sending me pictures of ones he thought I might like.

We decided to meet at the mall.  I knew immediately upon seeing him that I didn’t want to pursue anything more than a friendship.  It may seem shallow but he isn’t that much taller than me and I didn’t get that “I can feel safe with him” feeling.  We walked around for a couple of hours, window shopping and talking about life.  I’d told him the night before when we were chatting that when we met a handshake would suffice.  When we left the mall, we found that we’d parked very close to each other.  As I turned to leave after saying good-night, he said, “I know you said only a handshake, but I have to give you a hug.”  I froze.  I didn’t defend my body boundaries.  I simply froze.  I got into my car, completely freaked out that he’d hugged me and angry at myself for not being able to defend myself.

I sent him a message the next morning that I wasn’t interested in pursuing the friendship with him because I was not ok with him hugging me after I’d been specific that a handshake would be enough.  He simply responded with “Ok.” and we left it at that.

Once again, I disabled my account and haven’t been back.  I don’t know that I’ll ever try online dating again or not.  More than likely, I may try a paid one if I could ever afford it, but I think I’ll stay away from the free ones.  The experience I had with those few men on that website just showed me that I am not comfortable meeting people on the internet like this.

I’m still trying to figure out how to meet men in real life.  Right now I’m going to concentrate on expanding my pool of friends.  I think that, not only is networking good in a business sense, it may be good for my personal life too.  I think, deep down, I’m an old-fashioned kind of gal.  Hopefully, I will meet a friend of a friend. I know I need to expand my social circle.  All of my friends are friends I had from my previous life as a stay-at-home mom.  I think I need some single friends or older friends whose children are older.  I’d like to go out and have fun and it is hard when all of my friends have such small children.

For now, I’m putting dating on hold.  I need to concentrate on working, supporting myself and my kids, and just learning to enjoy being single.  At least I hope to learn how to enjoy being single.

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