Luke is Coming!
It was getting to be time for Luke’s visit. The closer it came to him actually being here, the more nervous I was becoming. I was worried about everything – especially the getting naked in front of him part. I hadn’t been naked in front of any man besides Bubba in over two decades.
Bubba had spent those two decades tearing me down, giving me the message that my body was terrible and I was lucky that he still wanted me because no other man ever would. I still hadn’t actually decided whether or not Luke and I would have sex. He’d told me to wait until he got here and we’d see how I felt about it then. In reality, though, I knew that we’d have sex. I couldn’t pass up something that I’d wanted for so very long.
Hannah and I were spending a lot of time together. Her ex-husband had her children often during the summer, so when he did, she and I would sit on my porch and talk until all hours of the morning. Many times Sean would join us. We would talk and laugh and it was just nice to have people over.
One night we were talking and I was again stressing about what my body looked like. Hannah and I had been discussing it before Sean came over that night so we were talking in code. I did not want Sean to know what we were talking about. She knew of a website that had pictures of vulvas. She showed it to me so that I could see the wide variety of “normal.” Considering the only vulva I’d ever seen was my own, I was very curious. I had no idea how many women Luke had been with since he always told me he doesn’t kiss and tell so I had no idea what he was going to be comparing me to. As we sat huddled together looking at these pictures and giggling, Sean was a little baffled as to what we were looking at. That only served to make me giggle more.
Sean walked home to get another pack of cigarettes and I asked Hannah if she wanted to see my piercing plus I wanted to know if I was “normal.” We ran back to my bedroom and I dropped my pants and showed her my piercing. She pronounced me totally “normal.” I felt such relief that I wasn’t odd or weird and that my girly parts were just your average everyday girly parts. Then I asked her to check out my boobs so we compared boobs. Since we’re both mothers, we were comparing what happens to boobs after pregnancy/nursing, age, gravity, and weight loss have messed with them. Hannah gave me the overall seal of approval and as she is a lesbian who has had precisely one partner, I figured she was more knowledgeable about these things than I was.
Then it was time to stress about what I was going to be wearing when he arrived. After talking to Endellion, Hannah, and Arcadia about it, we all decided that I should wear something I’m comfortable in. I opted for a pair of short shorts and a skimpy tank top. I was as ready as I’d ever be for Luke to arrive. I just had to wait a couple more days.
The day Luke was traveling to me finally rolled around and he kept me posted via text as to how far away he was. I was a bundle of excitement the entire day. He’d gotten a later start than I’d hoped so I knew he wouldn’t be arriving until dinner time. I made spaghetti sauce and had it simmering on the stove for a few hours before he got there.
I was sitting in my living room, watching out the window for him. I had no idea what type of car he drove so every time a car passed the house, I’d hold my breath. Was that him? No. Was that him? No. How about that one? No. Finally, I saw a car slow down by my drive-way and as I moved forward in my chair to get a better look, it turned into my drive-way. I sprang from my chair and tried to walk slowly out to his car to greet him, but I ran out the door. I made it out before he even had his door open. It was all I could not to launch myself at him before he’d even gotten out of the car. By some miracle I contained myself. Oh, when he took me in his arms, I felt the world fall away and there was only Luke. It was as if the past twenty-some years melted away and left only seconds since the last time I’d seen him. He hadn’t changed.
He still felt like the whole world to me.