I did it! I got my left inner labia pierced. I’ve been contemplating this since last summer – since I realized Bubba had been raping me. He knows what I look like down there. He’s violated me in so many ways that anytime I see him I get the heebie-jeebies because he’s known me and thinks he still does.
I reclaimed my body last night. Never again will he know what my body looks like. He can think he does all he wants but the reality is that he doesn’t and he never will again.
I feel a fierce protectiveness for my body now. It is MINE! No one can touch me without my permission. Last night I gave permission to a woman to pierce a hole in my labia. I did it of my own free will after I’d made the decision to get it done. At any time I could’ve told her to stop and she would have. There was power in that.
When she put the clamp on, it pinched but it wasn’t unbearable. I was so nervous. Having never had a piercing down there, I didn’t know what kind of pain to expect. She had me breathe in for a count of two then blow it out hard. She pierced as I blew out. The pain was searing but it was over within 30 seconds. That is how long it took her to pierce and place the jewelry (at least to my mind it was very quick). As she was placing the jewelry, the tears began to flow. I was not crying from pain. They were tears of power, of freedom, of reclamation.
I wish I could describe how powerful it felt to reclaim my most intimate part for me, to change something that had always been the source of pain. I’ve done so much healing in that area of my life. I can now masturbate without crying (although even typing that word is still hard). I can feel pleasure without feeling all the emotional pain that used to come with it. I know my body is not something to be ashamed of. I know it is safe and natural and ok for me to touch myself, no matter what body part I choose to touch.
Now I have a visual reminder that no man owns me. No man has any rights to my body. No man will ever see my new ring unless I absolutely and totally give him permission to see it. I am strong. I will not be coerced, guilted, harrassed, begged, intimidated, or any other horrible tactics a man could use into allowing him into that part of me. It is mine to freely give as I choose or not. My new ring is that visual reminder that I belong to me. Only me.
It will take a very special man to ever be given the opportunity to admire my new jewelry.