The Other Woman

The Guardian ad Litem (GAL) said in her report for our second court date that Bubba ultimately would like to reconcile with me but he understood that it was no longer an option.  He told her that I was a good person and mother but something had happened to change me – I wasn’t the same anymore.

Reading that really made me laugh.  Of course I wasn’t the same person anymore.  What they failed to comprehend was that it was all good change.  Bubba couldn’t see it because, to him, it was bad change.  I wasn’t his victim anymore.  The GAL failed to understand that I was, in fact, being abused and that victims do change once they get out.  They cease being victims and start acting like the women they are supposed to be.

Bubba made a big production to the GAL about wanting to get his family back together and how hard he’d been working in counseling to accomplish his goal.  You could imagine my surprise when, three weeks later, the children came home from visitation to tell me all about the woman who’s living with Daddy.  I asked how they knew she was living with him and Serenity said, “Mom.  I saw her silky nightie hanging in between Dad’s suits and her deodorant on the sink in his bathroom beside his deodorant.  I’m not stupid.”

Bubba, who just weeks ago swore his undying love for me, had moved on.

The children were very upset about this.  Sure, Julia was very nice to them but Bubba decided to not be up front with them.  He tried to convince them that she was just a friend and that she wasn’t his girlfriend.  He forgot that our children are not as stupid as he thinks.  The children know that they can ask me anything and I will give them honest, accurate information.  They asked me, “Mom, is Julia Dad’s girlfriend.”  I gave them the only honest answer I could, “I don’t know.  You’ll have to ask your father.”

Since the children were deeply distressed to see their father living with some strange woman (whom he paid more attention to that weekend than he did to them), I felt I should report it to the GAL so she could help them through this new transition.  Even after her report, I still hoped she’d help my children.  I called her and told her what the children had told me about Julia staying there.  The GAL mumbled something about wanting to bang her head into the wall.  At that point, I was hopeful that she’d finally see him for who he was.

The GAL successfully fixed it so that Julia was not staying with Bubba during the next visits.  She was not, however, able to stop Bubba from talking to Julia on the phone almost the entire time the children visited him for their next visits.  Serenity paid attention to the time and said that he was talking to her on the phone for at least 5 hours during the only full day they had together.  I felt so sorry for my kids.

The children were again being set aside for Bubba’s selfishness and in the coming months, it was only going to get worse.

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4 Comments

  1. BlueBiscuit

    “Bubba ultimately would like to reconcile with me but he understood that it was no longer an option. He told her that I was a good person and mother but something had happened to change me – I wasn’t the same anymore.”

    My ex says something very similar to this. That he wants to reconcile but doesn’t want to be with me right now as he’s concerned about my mental state because I’ve changed :rolleyes

    • Yes, we’ve changed! We now recognize and call them on their bullshit. They can’t handle accountability, especially coming from their victims.

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