Boundary Crossing

Here’s what I’d written in my journal about the day Bubba picked up his stuff:

He drove here and got his stuff.  It was a bad day!  So very stressful!  I’d given Arcadia my safe phone so he wouldn’t accidentally discover it.

When I saw Arcadia the next day, she gave me back my phone.  I turned it on to discover that Luke had texted to see if I was ok.  Arcadia had let him know that Bubba would be picking up his stuff and he was worried about me.  I’m really wrestling with him breaking the boundary.  But I read his conversation with Arcadia when she finally texted him back.  He’d texted her at 9 am asking how it went and since we were still in the middle of it she didn’t text back.  He texted me at 2:45 pm and Arcadia finally texted him back at 9 pm, after it was all over.  His response showed me that how concerned he was.  She told him how long the day had been and he responded, “Holy hell!  Is she ok?”

I hate that he is worried for me but at the same time, it give me a thrill that he cares. I think I can overlook the boundary crossing because I know it came from a place of concern.  He’d asked how I was and when he didn’t hear anything for almost 6 hours – yeah, I could see how he’d be worried.

What I didn’t mention in The Sexual Healing Journey – Part 3 was that the day after Bubba and the children left was the night I had my first solo orgasm.  Right as I finished and was laying in bed laughing and crying, my phone beeped.  I thought, “Now who is texting me at 11:00 at night?”  It was a number that I didn’t recognize, so I assumed it was a wrong number.  I opened the text and saw, “This is Sam….I’m here with Luke.  He wanted to say hi and how’s things?”

I was stunned.

I had immediate conflicting thoughts.  “Luke hadn’t broken the boundary directly so did this count?  There was no ban on his best friend texting me.”  and “What are the chances that Luke would be thinking of me at this exact time?  He’s thinking of me and obviously talking about me with his best friend right as I’m having my first solo orgasm.”  I don’t believe in coincidences so I had to wonder what God was trying to tell me with this.  It made me all warm and fuzzy that he was thinking of me – especially with the timing.

I was left wondering what was up.  The first boundary crossing I could understand.  He was worried and Arcadia hadn’t answered him.  For all he knew, Bubba could’ve hurt me.  But that second one?

I just didn’t know and what really bothered me was that I couldn’t even ask him.  I’d be breaking the boundary myself if I texted and said, “What the fuck are you thinking?  I’m on the verge of losing my kids.  I can’t have you contacting me because Bubba is using you as a weapon to take my kids away from me.”  I had to swallow it all and just plan to have that be one of the first things I talked to him about after I got my Emancipation Papers.

It was just another piece of meat to feed to Fluffy.

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    1. FREEDOM! Glorious Freedom! « Hope Wears Heels
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