Arcadia and I just ran over to Wal-Mart. She needed a few things and I needed groceries for the week.
We were walking by the Health and Beauty section and I saw the new magnetic nail polish on an end cap. I stopped to look at it and I explained how it worked to Arcadia since she’d never seen it before.
Then I sighed and said, “It’s $5. If I was still married to Bubba, I could afford this. In fact, in the past, I wouldn’t have thought twice about buying it.” Then, I shrugged my shoulders and as I walked away, I told her, “Freedom is worth so much more than nail polish. I may not be able to afford any of the things I could buy when I was with him but not living in constant fear is worth so much more.”
The kids and I live well below the poverty line. I’m not sure how I’m going to continue to pay my bills and my rent. But I’m happier now than I’ve ever been. It isn’t about nail polish or shoes or Christmas presents. It is about knowing that I am my own person. No one has power and control over me.
I think I will continue to have these little realizations for the rest of my life. Just these little compare/contrast moments that show me that every thing I’ve fought for is so worth it. My kids and I are safe on a regular basis. We are no longer being abused every single day.
Life is good…..even when I can’t buy the nail polish.
- Posted in: Healing