Nail Polish

Arcadia and I just ran over to Wal-Mart.  She needed a few things and I needed groceries for the week.

We were walking by the Health and Beauty section and I saw the new magnetic nail polish on an end cap.  I stopped to look at it and I explained how it worked to Arcadia since she’d never seen it before.

Then I sighed and said, “It’s $5.  If I was still married to Bubba, I could afford this.  In fact, in the past, I wouldn’t have thought twice about buying it.”  Then, I shrugged my shoulders and as I walked away, I told her, “Freedom is worth so much more than nail polish.  I may not be able to afford any of the things I could buy when I was with him but not living in constant fear is worth so much more.”

The kids and I live well below the poverty line.  I’m not sure how I’m going to continue to pay my bills and my rent.  But I’m happier now than I’ve ever been.  It isn’t about nail polish or shoes or Christmas presents.  It is about knowing that I am my own person.  No one has power and control over me.

I think I will continue to have these little realizations for the rest of my life.  Just these little compare/contrast moments that show me that every thing I’ve fought for is so worth it.  My kids and I are safe on a regular basis.  We are no longer being abused every single day.

Life is good…..even when I can’t buy the nail polish.

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6 Comments

  1. Meg

    I just stumbled on your blog via a link on Facebook. I hope you know what a strong and intelligent mama you are. Your children will thank you one day for all the small sacrifices you are making. Please know that there are good people out there that may not know you but we understand and respect and support what you are doing. I am sorry your family is not able to be who they should be right now and support you. I hope you will find some support through your readers and friends.

    • Thank you! Your words mean so much to me. Hopefully, my children will never understand the sacrifices I’ve made. I am their mother. It is my job to take care of them. It’s that simple. They are my entire world and nothing is more important to me than teaching them better so this cycle is not passed on to another generation.

      I’m so thankful for everyone’s support! Getting out was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. Healing is really hard work but with each new breakthrough, there is new joy in being healthy and better able to take care of myself and my children.

  2. Louise Tice

    What year did u leave him? Just wondering. My sister is married to an abuser.

    • I left him last year. In turns it feels like forever ago and just yesterday.

  3. Amanda

    I wish I could send you nail polish or at least $ for nail polish. You deserve the best. Thank you for your blog and your open honesty.

    • That is so sweet. ❤

      I'm just glad my blog is helping people. I never expected it to have the impact it has.

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