Power and Control Wheel: Male Privilege
Treating her like a servant: making
all the big decisions, acting like the
“master of the castle,” being the
one to define men’s and women’s
Treating her like a servant: The house and everything in it was my responsibility. I had sole charge of the children, cooking, cleaning, everything. He had one chore – to take out the garbage. He would see the garbage can getting full and would just go to work in the morning. When he got home it was either over flowing or I’d taken the full bag out and put it beside the garbage can and put a new bag in the can. He would get so angry that I didn’t just take the garbage out myself but it was his one flipping job in the house! There was no way I was going to do his one job on top of my 50 jobs.
Bubba would always complain about the house – it was never clean enough for him. I always thought he was perfectly capable of picking up toys or pushing a broom around but he would rather have just yelled at me about how bad of a job I was doing.
making all the big decisions, acting like the “master of the castle,” The biggest decisions we had was about where we lived. We ended up following his career around the country. Whether it was because he just got the urge to find a new job and always found them far away from where we lived or because the company moved him, it was always up to him. I never had a say in where we moved or even whether or not we moved. There was never a conversation about what was best for us as a family, it was always about his career or what he wanted. I wasn’t even allowed to be unhappy about the move or to even ask questions about it. Somehow he viewed me asking questions as me not wanting to go. No, I just had children that I had to think about. Where would we live, what were the schools like, how far of a commute would he have? I had a need to gather information before moving so that I knew what to expect. I had no say in where we moved and I wasn’t even allowed to ask questions about it.
being the one to define men’s and women’s roles. As the man, he worked and when he was home, he could sit and watch t.v. or sleep the day away while I was expected to continue to care for the children, keep the house clean, and cook. I never got days off. He would complain that on his days off, he wanted to do what he wanted to do. The thing he never took into consideration was that I never got a day off. I was lucky to get an hour off here and there. There were days that I was lucky enough to use the bathroom alone. It never entered his reality that I was on call 24/7. I was actively parenting from the time I woke up until the time I went to sleep, then I was available to the children when they woke up at night.
We never had a marriage. We had a master/servant relationship.